Comments on: Choosing Childlessness Isn’t the Problem http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/ Black. Gay. Father. Vegetarian. Buddhist. Liberal. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:47:01 -0500 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Lianne http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-139498 Lianne Mon, 25 Jun 2007 14:28:07 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-139498 I have no scorn for parenting. I think it's a wonderful choice, and I respect people, like my sister, who embrace it whole-heartedly. But I've known since I was a teenager that I did not have the patience to deal with a child 24/7, so I will not inflict myself on a child that way. Instead, I love my nieces, and spend lots of time with them, and that's about all I can handle. (My mother just shrugs and says every kid should have a spinster aunt) Leave parenting to the people who *want* to be parents. The world would be much better for it. I have no scorn for parenting. I think it’s a wonderful choice, and I respect people, like my sister, who embrace it whole-heartedly.

But I’ve known since I was a teenager that I did not have the patience to deal with a child 24/7, so I will not inflict myself on a child that way. Instead, I love my nieces, and spend lots of time with them, and that’s about all I can handle. (My mother just shrugs and says every kid should have a spinster aunt)

Leave parenting to the people who *want* to be parents. The world would be much better for it.

]]> By: r@d@r http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-263 r@d@r Mon, 19 Jun 2006 04:29:34 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-263 scorn for parenthood? <em>scorn for parenthood??</em> if she means "where i live", i wonder where that could be. i live in a moderately sized west coast american city, and if there's any scorn for parenthood, i certainly can't find it. even before my wife gave birth to our lovely daughter six months ago, it seemed every public place was swarming with loaded baby carriages. <em>swarming</em> with them. did she mean on the internet? have you <em>seen</em> how many baby stores there are online?? not to mention babies 'R' us - there are, like, four of them in this metropolitan region alone...and they are <em>huge</em>, and their parking lots are <em>packed</em> seven days a week. scorn for parenthood? scorn for parenthood?? if she means “where i live”, i wonder where that could be.

i live in a moderately sized west coast american city, and if there’s any scorn for parenthood, i certainly can’t find it. even before my wife gave birth to our lovely daughter six months ago, it seemed every public place was swarming with loaded baby carriages. swarming with them.

did she mean on the internet? have you seen how many baby stores there are online?? not to mention babies ‘R’ us – there are, like, four of them in this metropolitan region alone…and they are huge, and their parking lots are packed seven days a week.

]]> By: Alas, a blog » Blog Archive » A Bunch-O-Links And A Story http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-255 Alas, a blog » Blog Archive » A Bunch-O-Links And A Story Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:18:34 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-255 [...] 5. An advice columnist admonishes a childless couple to change their mind about having kids. Republic of T and Feministe are talking about it. [...] [...] 5. An advice columnist admonishes a childless couple to change their mind about having kids. Republic of T and Feministe are talking about it. [...]

]]> By: Curious http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-245 Curious Sun, 18 Jun 2006 02:14:37 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-245 I think people ought to stop giving others advice or scorning them for their point of view. If you are very happy with having kids, sure go ahead and have some more if you like. Dont tell others to have some too. On the other hand, if you do not want kids but end up with kids, there is a possiblity you will resent them for everything that went wrong with your life and no kid deserves that. So, if you have a doubt, dont have them. They are better off never being born. I think people ought to stop giving others advice or scorning them for their point of view. If you are very happy with having kids, sure go ahead and have some more if you like. Dont tell others to have some too.

On the other hand, if you do not want kids but end up with kids, there is a possiblity you will resent them for everything that went wrong with your life and no kid deserves that. So, if you have a doubt, dont have them. They are better off never being born.

]]> By: mrwaturi http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-233 mrwaturi Sat, 17 Jun 2006 06:00:31 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-233 People say to me that someday i will regret not having children. i tell them that on that day, i will just go to Wal-mart and it will cure me of my regret. People say to me that someday i will regret not having children. i tell them that on that day, i will just go to Wal-mart and it will cure me of my regret.

]]> By: Lorin11 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-220 Lorin11 Fri, 16 Jun 2006 15:15:17 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-220 When I got married, I told my wife that she would always come first, and I meant it. So, how do I find myself in a situation where I am the primary caregiver for my son, while she lives elsewhere? To simplify a complicated situation, I'm a natural as a parent, she isn't. Now, the fact of my son's autism plays into that equation. It is fair to say that my glass-half-full attitude about life makes facing the challenges raised by his non-typical behavior much easier for me that it is for her, with her glass-half-empty attitude. She tried really hard, and she and my son are still crazy about each other. But it was much harder for her to be a full-time parent, that it is for me. She can handle a few hours, and then she's done. I live for it, even at it's most frustrating. Ironically, I always didn't care about whether I had children, even though I was the last "chance" for my family name to be continued. She always wanted children. So, my experience showed me that you can never tell if you are equipped to be a parent until you actually are one. But I respect people who wish not to have children. It is too tough a job to take on, even if you want it. Why set yourself up to blame your kids for your unhappiness, if you find yourself unequal to the task? And my brother is an outstanding uncle, while my sister is an outstanding aunt. That is the role they are most comfortable filling in their own lives, and they excell at it. When I got married, I told my wife that she would always come first, and I meant it. So, how do I find myself in a situation where I am the primary caregiver for my son, while she lives elsewhere?
To simplify a complicated situation, I’m a natural as a parent, she isn’t. Now, the fact of my son’s autism plays into that equation. It is fair to say that my glass-half-full attitude about life makes facing the challenges raised by his non-typical behavior much easier for me that it is for her, with her glass-half-empty attitude.
She tried really hard, and she and my son are still crazy about each other. But it was much harder for her to be a full-time parent, that it is for me. She can handle a few hours, and then she’s done. I live for it, even at it’s most frustrating.
Ironically, I always didn’t care about whether I had children, even though I was the last “chance” for my family name to be continued. She always wanted children.
So, my experience showed me that you can never tell if you are equipped to be a parent until you actually are one.
But I respect people who wish not to have children. It is too tough a job to take on, even if you want it. Why set yourself up to blame your kids for your unhappiness, if you find yourself unequal to the task? And my brother is an outstanding uncle, while my sister is an outstanding aunt. That is the role they are most comfortable filling in their own lives, and they excell at it.

]]> By: Alas, a blog » Blog Archive » A Funny Little Story and a Bunch-O-Links http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-218 Alas, a blog » Blog Archive » A Funny Little Story and a Bunch-O-Links Fri, 16 Jun 2006 14:38:37 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-218 [...] 5. An advice columnist admonishes a childless couple to change their mind about having kids. Republic of T and Feministe are talking about it. [...] [...] 5. An advice columnist admonishes a childless couple to change their mind about having kids. Republic of T and Feministe are talking about it. [...]

]]> By: Katharine http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-206 Katharine Fri, 16 Jun 2006 00:17:47 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-206 Terrance, thank you so very much for this post. I try to be supportive of my friends who have children. For example, I make the effort to take them dinner from time to time, so that neither parent will have to cook. I am well aware that one of the greatest gifts you can give any parent is a little more time in the day. :) I'm glad to do my part for my friends in being part of "the village" they can turn to when raising their child. I even babysit occasionally. I don't know if I'll have kids or not, to be honest. I've never felt the urge. The only reason it even pirouettes across my mind these days is the realization that time is ticking down. I don't feel the clock ticking, mind you, but I'm aware that the years are passing and that this is kind of like a one-time-only sale: you either buy or you don't, and there isn't a second chance. However, if I don't, I'm exactly the kind of childless friend that a parent would like to have as a friend: I am willing to help out by coming to you, and if I babysit, I'll gladly hand your child back to you at the end of the evening. :) Terrance, thank you so very much for this post.

I try to be supportive of my friends who have children. For example, I make the effort to take them dinner from time to time, so that neither parent will have to cook. I am well aware that one of the greatest gifts you can give any parent is a little more time in the day. :) I’m glad to do my part for my friends in being part of “the village” they can turn to when raising their child. I even babysit occasionally.

I don’t know if I’ll have kids or not, to be honest. I’ve never felt the urge. The only reason it even pirouettes across my mind these days is the realization that time is ticking down. I don’t feel the clock ticking, mind you, but I’m aware that the years are passing and that this is kind of like a one-time-only sale: you either buy or you don’t, and there isn’t a second chance.

However, if I don’t, I’m exactly the kind of childless friend that a parent would like to have as a friend: I am willing to help out by coming to you, and if I babysit, I’ll gladly hand your child back to you at the end of the evening. :)

]]> By: Rachel S http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-205 Rachel S Thu, 15 Jun 2006 23:58:09 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-205 Degen, I;m so with you. You know if it wasn't for immigration we would be below replacment level in this country to. (Shhh!! Don't tell, but most immigrants aren't from Europe) LOL! Degen,
I;m so with you. You know if it wasn’t for immigration we would be below replacment level in this country to. (Shhh!! Don’t tell, but most immigrants aren’t from Europe) LOL!

]]> By: Steph http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/comment-page-1/#comment-197 Steph Thu, 15 Jun 2006 19:30:25 +0000 http://www.republicoft.com/2006/06/15/choosing-childlessness-isnt-the-problem/#comment-197 I have no contempt towards those who choose to have children (only those who are bad parents). I can imagine the joy that children can bring into one's live. For me though, I knew since I was a toddler- I did not want to have kids. I only own 3 dolls, and kept them only because they were from Xmas gifts from grandma and I didn't want here to feel bad. Personally, I am just uncomfortable around kids. Never have, never will. Baby sitting was emotional torture when ever it was forced upon me. After 33 year of saying "no", I don't like kids, I don't want kids, why to people still persist on telling me to have kids? Why would anyone wish for a child to be born to a parent who does not want a child? How unfair would that be to the child? Children deserve loving home- not to be produced for the sake of having them. The advice columnist total missed the point. People should not be scorned and looked at as if they have some disease just because they choose not to breed. I have no contempt towards those who choose to have children (only those who are bad parents). I can imagine the joy that children can bring into one’s live.

For me though, I knew since I was a toddler- I did not want to have kids. I only own 3 dolls, and kept them only because they were from Xmas gifts from grandma and I didn’t want here to feel bad.

Personally, I am just uncomfortable around kids. Never have, never will. Baby sitting was emotional torture when ever it was forced upon me.

After 33 year of saying “no”, I don’t like kids, I don’t want kids, why to people still persist on telling me to have kids?

Why would anyone wish for a child to be born to a parent who does not want a child? How unfair would that be to the child? Children deserve loving home- not to be produced for the sake of having them.

The advice columnist total missed the point. People should not be scorned and looked at as if they have some disease just because they choose not to breed.

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