The Republic of T.

Black. Gay. Father. Vegetarian. Buddhist. Liberal.

Here Comes the … Gayzilla?

Unfortunately, that is. Sometimes You gotta take the bad right along with the good. I confess it’s been a guilty pleasure of late for the hubby and I to snuggle on the couch on Sunday night to catch Bridezillas on WE tv.It’s been fun to gape at the over-the-top theatrics and the weddings themselves, and feel every so slightly smug even though we were convinced that some of the bridal drama must be due to the bridal couples getting some help with wedding costs as part of the agreement.

Our mouths hit the floor when we saw the previews, but I supposed it was inevitable that gay couples would get in on the act.

There’s more of course.

Well, we asked for it didn’t we? I suppose stuff like this is part of the package deal when we buy into marriage, but I hope that few of us go to these extremes.

From my perspective, the world would be a better place if people would get over the notion that their wedding day is supposed to be “the happiest day” of their lives, as if everything after that is just downhill. They’d save more money too. I’ve never failed to be astounded at the amount of money and stress poured into what basically amounts to a ceremony that’s gonna last less than an hour and a party for one day.

I’ve been to my share of weddings, a few times as best man, and have occasionally been asked to give a toast. When I do, I always give the same one; “Some people will tell you they hope your wedding day will be the happiest day of your life. I don’t. Instead, my wish for you is that every day after this will be happier than the one before, and that each day finds you more in love with each other.” I honestly think that’s way more important than the guest list, the floral arrangements, the bridal gown and bridesmaid’s dresses, the reception menu and decorations, etc.

It ain’t the wedding that’s important, but the marriage. And that begins the moment you walk back up the aisle stretches forth from there into days, months, and years. Frankly, I’ll settle for a 10 minute ceremony before a justice o’ the peace and a reception that doesn’t amount to much more than a modest dinner with friends, as long as I know we’ll spend the rest of our lives together. (And, of course, so long as I know we have the same rights and protections as any other family.) If people invested half as much in their marriages as they do in their weddings, they might not feel they need to “save” it from us.

But maybe it’s time, and it’s just our turn to test that old rumor about baby’s breath and insanity.


  1. Hey! I thought you came up with that toast just for me!! I remember that for my wedding I planned for at least one thing to go horribly wrong and that if I still managed to be married by the end of the day, I had accomplished my goal. I wasn’t going to get upset about small stuff. And there was a lot of small stuff, from someone forgetting my dress back at the hotel, to the DJs speaker catching fire at the reception! I do remember thought, that for all my efforts NOT to be bridzilla, the stress of trying to coordinate all those detail and keep everything moving forward until the big day did start to wear on me. If hubby to be didn’t want to help with the planning, then he didn’t really want to marry me, or care at all about the wedding. If he DID want to be part of the planning, and he didn’t agree with me 100% he was meddling and being difficult! If he backed down and said “ok fine, do what you like best” he was patronizing me! He couldn’t win, poor guy! Then parents that are paying want to have their own way with certain details. Siblings and friends want to make sure you don’t use ‘their’ colors or songs and thus ruin thier weddings or the memory of their weddings. It really is enough to make anyone edgy and dramatic!

    Now, many many years later, all the things that could have “Ruined” the day are what we remember the most and what makes us laugh. Who else gets married while someone knocks incessantly on the back door of the church? Or gets an impromptu pyrotechincs show when they arrive at the reception? and, I tease hubby a lot that while he pledged to be married to me as long as we both shall LIVE, our beloved officient asked me to pledge only as long as we both shall LOVE, so once he starts to annoy me, I’m outta here!

  2. If I ever get married, I’m heading to Vegas to be married by an Elvis impersonator.

  3. So your mouths hit the floor…?!?