The Republic of T.

Black. Gay. Father. Vegetarian. Buddhist. Liberal.

Katherine Harris, The Novel (Soon To Be a Major Motion Picture?)

This is beautiful. And just in time for NaNoWriMo. Batshit Crazy Katherine Harris is writing a book.

Katherine Harris, who is trying to become a U.S. senator, says she is writing a tell-all about the many people who have wronged her. This includes, but is not necessarily limited to: the Republican leaders who didn’t want her to run, the press that has covered her troubled campaign, and the many staffers who have quit her employ, whom she accuses of colluding with her opponent.

She is vague about what, precisely, makes her a victim, but she says she has it all documented.

“I’ve been writing it all year,” she says in that kittenish voice. She often smiles and cocks her head as if she’s letting you in on a secret. “It’s going to be a great book.”

OK, I’m sure she thinks she’s writing a non-fiction work, so it’s not technically fodder for National Novel Writing Month. But c’mon. When someone as delusional as Katherine Harris writes about reality from her point of view, how can it be anything but fiction.

And I’ll say this right now. Whatever she writes, if it ever sees the light of day, there’d better be a movie version. Otherwise there’s just no justice in the world. And if there is a movie version, I have just one casting recommendation for the role of Crazy Katherine.

Glenn Close. Because nobody can play an

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overly made-up,

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crazy lady … like Glenn Close.

And if Close isn’t available, even though she’s sworn off making movies, I’d recommend Madonna, who reportedly identifies with Queen Esther, as does Harris.

During an interview in the livestock arena, amid the ghosts of her cousins’ cows, Harris talks about two of her greatest passions: art and Israel. She has made several trips to Israel, and it was on the first, in 1992, that her camera broke and she was forced to sketch her way across the country. These days, during meetings on Capitol Hill, she sometimes sketches when she’s taking notes. She says she has drawn Alan Greenspan and Donald Rumsfeld.

… Harris does love talking about Israel. She’s proud that Israelis sometimes assume she’s one of them and talk to her in Hebrew. She is a Christian but has called herself a “wannabe” Jew. During the bitterly contested recount in 2000, which she oversaw as Florida’s secretary of state, she compared herself to the Biblical character Queen Esther, who risked her life to save the Jews.

There’s more than enough material for a movie here, dontcha think? I mean, c’mon Hollywood, even if crazy Katherine’s scrawl never makes it to publication, there’s potential here. Think of a combination of Bob Roberts (OMG! You could even make it a musical!) and Primary Colors. And if you throw in a pivotal scene where Close plays Katherine sans make-up, I think we’re talking Oscar nomination here.


  1. She creeps me. In the same way Tammy Faye creep’d me.

  2. Okay. I just saw her debate with Nelson on MSNBC. Can’t decide if she’s a drunk or just plain fucking stupid.

  3. It would be a cute train wreck if she were not such a theocratic thug. Not all thugs are young, male and broke; some sport high heels, cleavage and praise Jesus loudly.

    She brought us Bush; may she and hers be blotted out of the Book of Life.