However, since I got married, I began working in an estate planning attorney’s office and that has shed a lot of light on the benefits unavailable to those who cannot marry.

Honestly, though, I think the whole concept is completely outdated. But, I am crazy about my husband – would be if we were married or not.

1) I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her
2) By getting married, it would be self-evident to us and to everyone around us that (1) was true. Public commitment is important sometimes.
3) For the legal benefits (in UK Civil Partnerships have the same rights and responsibilities as marriage)
4) To help smooth the way when we need to emigrate. I work for an international corporation — legal status will help with work permits, etc, when I need to take an assignment overseas.

To be honest though, that last is a bit of a side benefit rather than a reason. The main reasons were 1-3.

That pretty much summarizes why I will be getting married. My fiancee and I are committed to being a social unit (in addition to being individuals), and we think it’s both intrinsically worthwhile as well as enriching to our relationship to have our unit-ness recognized by those around us. We’re doing the legal bit ASAP because my fiancee and I just moved to the opposite side of the country from all our family and friends and the legal aspects could become critical if something were to happen to one of us. And then later we’re having a big ceremony back east so that all our loved ones can be witnesses to, and help us celebrate, our commitment.

I got married because I loved the man I married and because I needed a husband. At rock bottom I believed my life would be incomplete without a husband and that the lack would be the proof that I was somehow defective and unwantable. I keep hoping that it’s different for young people now.

Twenty-seven years later I am still married now for a lot of reasons but mainly because my marriage is the richest part of my life. We support each other in growing into our best selves. I’ve done things that felt risky to me but was secure that I had a sanctuary to return to if things went bad and someone to be happy for me when things went well. I find joy in sharing all the little daily doings with him. I am grateful that I am loved as I am by him. I feel so bonded to him it’s really hard to think about life without him. I know this sounds trite but it’s hard to describe a relationship that I live in as a fish lives in water. He is my family.

I can speak for myself better than for my husband.

–There was an aspect of self-direction that was very important to me. I already knew before our engagement that we were going to be together for a long time. But I didn’t want to wake up 20 years from now and discover that I had drifted into a marriage. It’s a big thing, to live with someone for the rest of your life, and I didn’t want it to just happen to me without my noticing. I needed to feel like I was making an active choice–”This is how my life will go. I actively choose to hitch my life to this person.” It’s slightly ironic, considering that so much of marriage is about taking someone else into account and not just thinking of your own desires. And yet, it’s a choice you are making together, to blend your separate lives into your shared life. It’s quite a remarkable experience.

–By the time we got married, we’d already been through extended unemployment, the death of a parent, two moves, and installing an air conditioner–and we were still together. We are either meant for each other, or we are masochists.

–I love him. More than anything. He is so special and so remarkable to me that I wanted to stand up and say, Yes, for the rest of my life, this one above all others. I wanted to promise him my devotion and care. And we wanted to do that in the supportive presence of friends and family. Having a wedding was more about sharing the moment (and the passage) with them.

As far as the legal aspect–and I know this will sound like the callousness of someone who didn’t have to worry about getting rejected–it really did not weigh that much. It was a formality. The approval of our family and friends meant far more than the approval of some anonymous certificate-signer in the county clerk’s office. What surprised me the most was that getting the license was actually rather mundane. You give some information, you sign some documents, and you pay the $40. It was certainly less difficult and time-consuming than getting a new driver’s license. I’ve gotten a more thorough going-over when applying for a credit card. The fact that you and your husband can’t currently do the same is a truly ridiculous situation, and a travesty.