The Republic of T.

PFOX is infiltrating in my kid’s school district.

A flier from a group called Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays, or PFOX, has started a controversy in Silver Spring.

The flier was handed out during homeroom to students at Montgomery Blair High School.

News4′s Miguel Almaguer reported that gay students at the high school said the group behind it is homophobic.

The school said it had no choice but to pass it out.

PFOX says it reaches out to gay teens offering unconditional love and support to homosexuals who want to become straight.

… Avi Edelman, president of the Gay Straight Student Alliance, said that message is a sham.

“If you look at their Web site, if you look at their use of religious materials to condemn homosexuality, I think the message that they say they give and the message that they show on that flyer is very different than what the organization actually stands for,” Edelman said.

This is happening in a very progressive area (why would we choose to live anywhere that wasn’t?) like Montgomery County, Maryland, where it’s safe to say that the majority of people don’t want anything to do with PFOX and don’t want PFOX in our children’s schools. (Check out Teach the Facts and their blog Vigilance for background on how citizens organized to put down the right-wingers’ attempt to take over curriculum in our schools.)

Now, my kid is not school age, nor is he zoned for the school where this happened. Fortunately. And we’re already involved, including attending the public forum on the matter last year.) But if PFOX is stepping into my ‘hood, and even thinking about getting anywhere near my kid, there are some things that must be said.

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When I crossposted the bit about the Arlington County marriage scam to my Daily Kos diary, and quite a discussion ensued. In the middle of it, and old familiar argument popped up. One that’s delivered in calm, reasoned tones, and that sounds deceptively supportive until you think about it for a minute.

Which of those can’t be handled by other agreements, regulations or laws?

Answer: None

So the question stands, what does a marriage license give you that you don’t already have?

Are you saying I don’t have the right to make a comittment to another person? I don’t have the right to love someone? Nonsense.

If social security doesn’t do what we want it to let’s change social security.

If inheritance law doesn’t do what we want it to let’s change inheritance law.

If group health insurance doesn’t do what we want it to let’s group health insurance.

If parental leave laws don’t do what we want them to let’s change parental leave laws.

If taxes don’t do what we want them to let’s change taxes.

Let’s NOT make marriage an amalgam of all of these things. Marriage does not ‘neatly tie them all up in short order’. That’s exactly why we’re in the position we’re now in.

Except that the last two lines are flat out wrong. But then, the whole argument is not as supportive of equality as it seems when first presented. It’s just another way of saying “no,” as I pointed out in my comment responding to the above.

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My coworker Nicco married his lovely fiance, and in posting about it he included some words on marriage that struck a chord with me, and caused me to nod in agreement.

Chris Massey (himself married 30 some odd years) reminds me that you don’t get married; you are getting married. it’s an active verb; it does not pass into the past tense. Every day you get up and you are getting married.

It’s true. I’ve been (all but legally) married for only a fraction of 30 years, but I can honestly say it’s a choice, a commitment, that is made fresh every day. I think that’s what’s meant by “for better or worse, in sickness and in health,” etc. It’s choosing to be married, every day, whether it’s a deliriously happy day or an unbelievably disastrous one, and on those average days when it just doesn’t seem to be turning out like all the love songs, romance novels, movies, and sit-coms say it’s supposed to. As downright hokey a it may be, a certain one-hit-wonder pop singer had it more right than you might have thought when you first heard these lyrics. It’s saying yes even when it might be easier, or might seem easier, to say no.

And, as I wrote earlier, it saying yes in other sense too.

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OK. I’m gonna try not to get mad about this.

They didn’t hug. They didn’t kiss. They didn’t even sit together.

Many couples going to the Arlington County Courthouse seemed more like strangers than people applying for marriage licenses. A man named Sam often escorted them to the sixth-floor clerk’s office. Sometimes, there would be a furtive exchange of money in the elevator.

Before long, some of the same people would be back, filing for divorce, their court papers littered with mistakes — always the same mistakes.

“They misspelled ‘circuit,’ ” said David A. Bell, the longtime Circuit Court clerk. “It was obvious something was going on.”

Bell tipped off police, triggering a nearly four-year investigation that recently broke up one of the Washington region’s biggest and most brazen immigration scams: an estimated 1,000 fake marriages. The scheme was centered in the area’s little-noticed but rapidly growing community of immigrants from Ghana.

OK. I lied. I’m not gonna try not to get mad about it. But it’s not the immigrant part I’m mad about. I covered the whole “quickie marriage” thing a year ago, and I was wrong about the time it took to get married when I wrote that post. Twenty minutes was just the time the ceremony took. The trip to the justice o’ the peace may be a bit longer. If you’ve the right genitalia, it doesn’t have to take much longer than that.

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Is this thing on? Heh. And we’re back, sort of. I’m still figuring out how best to proceed with QueerlyKos, and find a process that makes it easier to write bits and pieces during the week. So, that’s one reason for the change in format after the jump. I’m also asking for some volunteers to help collect links during the week and/or take turns writing the round-up each week. (Ideally, with three or four more people, we’d each only end up writing the round-up once a month, with everyone compiling links.) Drop me an email at the address in my profile if interested.

After a bit of a meltdown last week, which I blame at least partially on the election and the news that another one Britney Spears’ marriages crashed and burned, plus the fact that she’s been married twice (but the first one was a drunken joke and only lasted 55 hours, so it doesn’t really count) in the same time that I’ve been all-but-legally married to the same (whom I didn’t steal from a girlfriend pregnant with his second child). Don’t get me wrong, I’m still doing more to make a mockery of marriage than she is, but damn Brit keeps raising the bar.

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Whoops. A day off, and lunch with my husband, threw off my blogging rhythm today, so I forgot the Friday random ten post. I’m doing something a little different with it today, though. I’m kicking it off with a song that’s been in my head since election day. So it’s not entirely random, but here goes anyway. And if you want to mix it up a little, start yours with a song that this election brings to mind for you, and share it in the comments.

1. Fire up your music collection.
2. Shuffle it.
3. Deal me ten.

Here’s mine.

1. A Change Is Gonna Come from the album “The Man And His Music” by Sam Cooke
2. Unconditional Love from the album “The Donna Summer Anthology (disc 2)” by Donna Summer
3. All In Love Is Fair from the album “Innervisions” by Stevie Wonder
4. Miss Me Blind from the album “The Very Best Of” by Culture Club
5. Let The Good Times Roll from the album “An Evening With The Queen” by Koko Taylor
6. Take a Bow [Edit] from the album “GHV2″ by Madonna
7. Mercy Street from the album “Shaking The Tree” by Peter Gabriel
8. Mistake No. 3 from the album “Waking Up with the House on Fi” by Culture Club
9. Love Train from the album “Wake Up Mix” by O’Jays
10. Raisin’ The Stakes from the album “Goodbye Country (Hello Nightclub)” by Groove Armada

Actually, at second glance, there may be a few more titles in there that are appropriate to this year’s election. Any jump out at you?

Well, well, well. I posted a while back that Michael Steele must think black people are stupid, or the Republicans running his campaign thought so, because that’s the only reason I could think of for the ads and campaign signs employed during the campaign. Now it turns out that those, along with some other underhanded efforts to win black votes may have backfired on Republicans during the last days of the campaign.

Apparently, black voters don’t like to be played for fools.

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Holy shit. The House and the Senate.

Democrats wrested control of the Senate from Republicans Wednesday with an upset victory in Virginia, giving the party complete domination of Capitol Hill for the first time since 1994.

…The Associated Press contacted election officials in all 134 localities where voting occurred, obtaining updated numbers Wednesday. About half the localities said they had completed their postelection canvassing and nearly all had counted outstanding absentees. Most were expected to be finished by Friday.

The new AP count showed Webb with 1,172,538 votes and Allen with 1,165,302, a difference of 7,236. Virginia has had two statewide vote recounts in modern history, but both resulted in vote changes of no more than a few hundred votes.

I came to D.C. during the summer of 1994, to work for the Human Rights Campaign and help defeat the anti-gay ballot initiatives in Oregon and Idaho. I sat in the conference room on election night, watching the results come in and realizing that the work I came to D.C. to do was going to be a lot harder. Later, in January, I was on the Hill the day the new Congress was sworn in, making the rounds with one of the our lobbyists to say hello to the friends we had left on Capitol Hill. All I remember is meeting and shaking hands with Mark Foley, and later thinking to myself I’d never seen so many fur coats in one place.

I also remember that it felt like the end of something. I’m not working specifically on gay issues anymore, nor am I working with a lobbying organization, so it’s unlikely I’ll be on the Hill when the next Congress is sworn in. But I’d like to be there, if I could find a way or an excuse to be there. It would be a nice way to bookend this period of my time in D.C.

I think it will feel like the beginning of something. Whether I’m there or not.

Oops. She did it again.

Of course we’re all shocked that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, now duly christened “Fed-Ex” in the blogosphere, have split. Maybe we shouldn’t be surprised: After all, they have been separated since, um, Monday, according to court papers filed yesterday in Los Angeles. Then there’s the little matter of Brit’s first marriage, which lasted all of 55 hours — not exactly the harbinger of an enduring union the second time around.

The reason behind her parting from K-Fed? “Irreconcilable differences,” according to Britney’s petition for divorce. Neither side would comment further. But the marriage of the pop princess and alleged rapper has resembled a circus train wreck ever since the couple hooked up in 2004.

Now, I don’t wanna take advantage of someone else’s personal misfortune (namely the Spears-Federline children) to make a political point here, but … OK, actually I do and I’m gonna.

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There's tons of post-election analysis out there already, delivered by people with more credentials and mojo that I've got, but I'll toss my $0.02 in the pot anyway. Here the short version of my take: It's not quite "morning in America" yet, but it looks like the crack of dawn. (Or the crack of Don, depending on your taste.) For the first time since 1992, I have something to smile about on "the morning after" (as opposed to "the mourning after").

I've only just taken a look at the news this morning, because I avoided looking at returns last night (I learned my lesson in 2000, thank you), but here are the items that I top my list of what makes today a good day.

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I might as well come right out and say it. I’m developing a crush on Sam Harris. In fact, if both of us were single and he was gay, I’d want him as my boyfriend. Though I imagine that one a date with (an imaginary, gay, and single) Sam Harris I’d probably be slightly intimidated by his intelligence, and spend the whole date hoping I didn’t sound like a complete idiot.) It doesn’t hurt that he’s easy on the eyes, but however much I may like his looks, I like his ideas even better.

He had me at page one, when I picked up The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason after the title caught my eye, and my admiration of him grew when I caught his interviews for the documentary The God Who Wasn’t There. I decided I’d definitely read whatever he published next, and was pretty much solidified with Letter to a Christian Nation. So, by the time I saw him profiled in the Post as an “Atheist Evangelist”, was already sold. His “dissent” in the Newsweek cover special “The Politics of Jesus,” is just the icing on the cake. Even though he doesn’t say anything he hasn’t said before, it’s still interesting to hear them at this particular moment in American politics.

You may have said it all before, but say it again, Sam. Say it again.

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And so it begins. I guess we knew, or at least suspected this day was coming when we found out we were going to have a son. After all, chances are he’d be a proto-hetero (since orientation, I’ve been told, isn’t established until around two or three), and most heterosexual guys I know seem to have at least some interest in sports. (Some gay guys too. Not all of us break out in hives at the thought of having to perform athletically, I guess.) And the way Parker love to run and climb, etc., has lead both the hubby and I to think that he’ll end up playing some kind of sport at some point.

Now i’m wondering if it’s going to be sooner than later. See, Parker’s daycare takes a rather Montessori approach to learning, in which the teachers ask the kids what they want to learn about, and then taking off from there. It’s led to some interesting moments lately, like Parker telling us about chlorophyll and its role in the turning of the leaves in the fall. That was impressive. But nothing prepared me for the day he came home talking about football.

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Actually, I voted days ago. The hubby and I got absentee ballots, due to the issues with Maryland voting during the primaries and the ongoing concerns about Maryland’s voting machines, and sent them in last week. (We also spent the last two weekends as a family doing GOTV for Maryland’s Democratic candidates.) So, have you voted? If not, make sure you do. In fact, if you do nothing else today, get yourself to your polling place and vote.

I won’t, by the way, be watching returns tonight, or “live blogging” them here. I learned my lesson on that back in ’04.

Remember, go vote!

You may have noticed things have slowed down here a bit. There was no QueerlyKos this weekend, because I wasn’t able to find time to finish writing it. It’s sitting, half-written, on my desktop, and I think by the time I find time to actually write it most of what’s in it won’t be news anymore anyway.

Time. That’s my big bugaboo right now. There’s not enough of it. What there is of it is caught in a tug of war between “what I have to to” and “what I want to do,” which a becoming increasingly different things. Right now, the former is winning the battle and the latter is running out of rope. There’s more stuff I have to do, and more stuff that I want to do, but less time for the latter.

There’s less time for what I want to do, as opposed to what I have to do, including blogging. It’s getting harder and harder to do it the way that I want to. By the time I have the time to actually sit down to read and see what’s going on in the world, the news has been pretty much flogged to death by everyone else. So, if I want to post something other than a rehashing of what’s already been said, I have to read even more, and write even more than I would otherwise, in an attempt to at least provide some analysis that even a little unique.

That comes back to time. Most of the posts here in the last couple of weeks have been written at night and scheduled to post the following day, after I’ve spent several hours reading, researching and writing. That means that most nights I don’t turn in until 2:00 AM. Physically, and psychically, that’s not something I think I can keep up for much longer.

Last night, I gave up and went to bed. I can’t honestly say there will be much posted here today as a result. And maybe not tomorrow either, or the day after that. And though QueerlyKos has been rewarding to do and the response has been great, I seriously doubt I’ll have time to do it anymore, even though I want do.

I expect soon that what I have to do will completely overtake what I want to do, and they’ll still be two separate things.

So, when I finally get to the point where I’m only doing what I have to do, and none of what I want to do, what do I do?

I’ve got to spend some time figuring that out.

If I can find the time, that is.

I didn’t have time to address this.

The president of the National Association of Evangelicals, who has resigned amid allegations that he had sex with a former self-described male prostitute, is now admitting to some indiscretions after initial denials, according to the acting senior pastor of the New Life Church in Colorado.

…Haggard, a married father of five, had denied the allegations in a television interview, but Ross Parsley, the acting senior pastor of the New Life Church in Colorado, said he had admitted to some wrongdoing.

“I just know that there has been some admission of indiscretion, not admission to all of the material that has been discussed, but there is an admission of some guilt,” Parsley told KKTV-TV of Colorado Springs.

Before I read this.

MILES O’BRIEN: Colorado is one of eight states where there’s an amendment to ban gay marriage on the ballot. He’s been at the forefront pushing for this amendment. Obviously the allegations of politics might resonate.

DELIA GALLAGHER: Yes. There’s a lot of question in the evangelical community as to the timing of this and the motivations for it. So that’s certainly something to watch come Tuesday.

OK. Conservatives and evangelicals who are wringing your hands over this, and gearing up to blame the gays, the Democrats, or both … Come a little closer and let me, as we say where I come from, “break it down for you.”

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There’s been a dearth of kid pics lately (and a glut of politics). Here’s Parker in his Thomas the Tank Engine costume, after an evening of trick-or-treating. Minutes later, candy consumption ensued until bedtime. (Eh. It’s just once a year.)

It’s that time again, to bring out the meme that momentarily clears the air of all the political talk and writing that goes on around here. With November 7th looming in the background, it’s probably needed even more than usual. I’ve already voted. The hubby and I got absentee ballots and put them in the mail a few days ago. Nothing to do now but wait.

I don’t know about anyone else, but after the last couple of elections, I don’t plan on watching any returns. I don’t want to know anything until I wake up on the 8th and check the news, because I don’t want to go to bed thinking it went one way only to wake up and find out it went the other way. So, I’ll either go to bed early, or turn off the television and turn on the music. Speaking of which…

1. Turn on whatever your music lives on.
2. Randomize everything.
3. Share the first ten.

Here’s my results.

1. It’s Only Love from the album “All The Best (Disc 2)” by Tina Turner
2. Hammer and a Nail from the album “Nomads Indians Saints (Expanded Edition)” by Indigo Girls
3. Wonderful Night from the album “Why Try Harder: The Greatest Hits” by Fatboy Slim
4. God Bless The Child from the album “Billie Holiday Remixed Hits” by Fredco Mix
5. Comeonstrong from the album “Modulate” by Bob Mould
6. Short Circuit from the album “Discovery” by Daft Punk
7. Wake Up Everybody from the album “Peace – Back By Popular Demand” by Keb’ Mo’
8. Goodbye Sweet Pumpkinhead from the album “Love Is Everything – The Jane Siberry Anthology” by Jane Siberry
9. One from the album “Achtung Baby” by U2
10. We’ll Be Together from the album “Fields of Gold: The Best of Sting 1984-1994″ by Sting

What’s yours?

I was impressed with Abigail Garner’s blog, Damn Straight, after reading it for a while, so it was inevitable that I’d pick up her book Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is. Plus, as Parker approaches birthday number four, I want to try and understand as much as I can about what he’s going to face, and how I can help him deal with it. Two chapters in, and I’m already underlining significant passages for future reference.

But one passage that jumped out at me was this reaction to a reporter defining gay families having “made it onto the front page of the newspaper” as “success.”

Being profiled in the paper simply because I was from one of those famiiles is progress, but not success. Success will be when a child with LGBT parents can be profiled for some other reason, and the mention of his or her family can be referenced without sexual orientation becoming the main focus.

Sometime yesterday, after reading that passage, I returned to this Washignton Post article about teenage vegetarians, that I’d bookmarked for later reading. I actually ha to go back to the beginning and read it again before I thought of what Abigail had written about progress vs. success.

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I have to begrudgingly agree with Stephen, it is indeed ironic that George Allen’s campaign blitz on same-sex marraige may actually work against him.

A state constitutional marriage amendment designed to motivate conservative voters and help Virginia Sen. George Allen’s re-election campaign appears to be backfiring, at least among black voters.

The Republican senator probably will benefit from evangelical Christians voting for the amendment. But, the amendment also will drive turnout among the state’s black voters, many of whom are questioning whether Mr. Allen is racially insensitive and deserves a second term.

Virginia’s black voters support the amendment, which defines marriage as the union of one man and one woman, by more than 60 percent, according to most polls. They also overwhelmingly favor Mr. Allen’s Democratic challenger James H. Webb Jr.

The black vote is even more crucial this year than most, as Mr. Allen and Mr. Webb are nearly tied in statewide polls leading up to Tuesday’s election.

“My people don’t see it as a Democratic issue or a Republican issue. They see it as a societal issue,” said the Rev. Milton R. Blount, pastor of the predominantly black New Mount Olivet Baptist Church in Portsmouth, Va.

I, of course, find it ironic and sad.

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I mentioned previously that I’d been reading Jim Wallis’ God’s Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn’t Get It, which I got my hands on via BookMooch. I’d been a bit critical of Wallis around the time that Obama was going on about Democrats courting evangelicals, because he and the rest of the “partial progressives” among the evangelicals who may be gaining influence with Democrats seem to ease up on their progressivism when it comes to gay issues.

But Wallis, in the aftermath of the Goodridge decision, affirmed that the “[Gay Americans'] civil and human rights must be honored, respected, and defended for a society to be healthy.” Impressive, coming from an evangelical Christian. So, I decided that at some point I wanted to read Wallis’ book to see just where I agreed with him, but also to see more about what he had to say about same-sex marriage and gay & lesbian civil rights. I ended up surprised in some ways, and not so surprised in others.

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