This may be old news, but after that last post I couldn’t resist sharing it anyway. Remember the urban legend about that old “Newlywed Game” episode? You know, “Up the butt, Bob”? Well, the couple in that clip may have been ahead of their time, but the rest of the heterosexual population is starting to catch up. Not only are heterosexuals not abstaining, they’re taking up … um … taking it up the ass. According to no less than the CDC.
The survey, released last year, showed that 38.2 percent of men between 20 and 39 and 32.6 percent of women ages 18 to 44 engage in heterosexual anal sex. Compare that with the CDC’s 1992 National Health and Social Life survey, which found that only 25.6 percent of men 18 to 59 and 20.4 percent of women 18 to 59 indulged in it.
And even some straight guys are considering, um, taking it up. They’re even buying the accessories. For health reasons, of course.
Though the report is chock-full of all kinds of straight, gay, and lesbian sex in fairly graphic detail, there’s absolutely no research on female-to-male anal play. It turns out that the straight-male fear of reciprocal anal play is a potent mix of sexism and homophobia; a straight man can do it to someone else, but having it done to him isn’t okay.
But the newly discovered anti-cancer benefits of prostate stimulation are giving straight guys—especially the progressive New York breed—a legitimate excuse to be more, shall we say, open to exploration. And men’s magazines, which until recently discussed anal sex only in terms of how to trick a girlfriend into giving it up, now publish articles on the Aneros—the doctor-created, FDA-approved prostate stimulator—and the male G-spot, a.k.a. the P-spot, a.k.a. the He-spot.
The New York Magazine article doesn’t mention it. But this news brings to mind something else I read yesterday.
If the popularity of anal sex among heterosexuals is on the upswing — and even straight men are receptive — at the same time that same-sex marriage is moving closer to being a reality, we may have just uncovered how same-sex marriage will destroy heterosexual marriages. And there’s little danger in mentioning it here because the other side would never admit to it.
I can’t take credit for discovering it, though. Someone else beat me to it.
Jerry: I don’t understand it. You were having such a great time, the sex, the shopping.
Elaine: Well here’s the thing. Being a woman, I only really have access to the, uh… equipment, what, thirty, forty-five minutes a week. And that’s on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who *own* this equipment, and have access to it twenty-four hours a day, their entire lives.
Jerry: You can’t. That’s why they lose very few players.
Elaine: Yeah, I guess I never really stood a chance.
Jerry: Well there’s always a place for you, on our team.
That is, if enough practice convinces some guys to consider trading up to “the big leagues,” where we’re well practiced and fully acquainted with “the equipment” from every angle.