Here’s a hint. It’s near the beginning.
It’s a simple “Thank you.”
There’s a few more things that need to be said here.
I meant what I said in my earlier post about every other acceptance speech at the Oscars. Just about everyone else who snatched a trophy thanked their spouse or S.O.
It makes sense.
Anyone who’s ever accomplished anything, anything at all really, knows that you don’t do it completely by yourself.
Nobody does. Friends, family, team members. They all contribute.
And if you’re married, chances are your spouse has made sacrifices here and there, quietly, willingly, and lovingly.
They’ve probably listened supportively when you griped and complained, and bucked you up to go back in for another round, telling you they believed in you even if you didn’t.
They probably stayed up nights waiting for you to come home from a gig, or a job, or to work out that last note or line or chord, so you could go to sleep.
They’ve probably wiped a tear or two, or smoothed a furrowed brow.
They’ve probably taken care of you when you were sick, along with taking care of the house, the kids, and everything else.
And they probably did all the above even when they had needs and concerns of their own waiting to be met.
That’s what people who love each other do for one another.
And when we do, we say “Thank you.” Period.
My day-to-day life as a gay man with with a husband and a son is about daring to have the simple audacity to act as though I have the right to live my life as openly and unashamedly as anyone else.
I’ll be damned if I’ll let anybody tell me differently or try to make me do differently without a fight.
What kind of world is it if we can’t even publicly thank the people who love us for their support?
In Melissa’s case, this was the woman who stood by her and supported her through dealing with breast cancer. I know cancer. I’ve seen members of my family deal with it. Chemotherapy. Hair loss. Nausea. Radiation treatment. Days when you can’t get out of bed at all. You don’t get through that without the care and support of people who love you.
My dad died of cancer last year. My mom was right there with him every step of the way: going to doctors appointments; seeing him through treatment; sitting beside him when the got the news it was terminal; taking home and caring for him; giving him his medicine; giving him water when he needed it; helping him get to the chamber pot beside his bed and emptying it; and figuring out how to help him with that when he couldn’t get out of bed anymore.
After he died, I remember her saying that one day towards the end, when she was doing the above, my dad looked at her and said something like “I’m sorry you have to do this.”
My mom looked him right in the eye and said simply, “Baby, we’ve been together 50 years. This is what I’m supposed to do.”
That’s what people who love each other are supposed to do. You don’t do it expecting thanks. But when you receive that kind of care and support from your loved one, you say thanks even if you don’t need to.
Gay & lesbian couples have been doing it for a long time now, and often without the support of family or the social support that other families receive; especially in the 80s, when when the HIV/AIDS epidemic hit, and taking care of our own was often the only way anybody received care.
Melissa did what she was supposed to do. Melissa did the right thing. She had every right to do it. She could have gone to the Oscars by herself. She didn’t. Nor did she hide her family in the wings. That’s the kind of thing families like the Cheneys might do.
People do as much every day for strangers who do much less for them than Melissa’s wife does for her.
People do as much for someone who holds a damn door open for them.
That is was somehow controversial, revolutionary or subversive for Melissa to do it just proves how damn much still needs to be done.