To get pedantic, the word comes from the Latin “mos” meaning established norms. The “mos maiorum” of Rome included the patrician virtues of piety, severity, precision of conduct, etc. But when we use the word “immoral” it is often because we lack a more severe word that works. It is a weaker word than “violent” or “fraudulent” or “predatory” or “oppressive” or “evil.” When we are using the word “immoral” to criticize someone or something, it is because those more severe words don’t apply at all, otherwise we would use them. Or, perhaps, because those more severe words would more clearly manifest our own violent, fraudulent, predatory, oppressive and evil conduct, what Christians refer to as the “beam in the eye.”

“Immoral” conduct has no victim; otherwise, it would be called evil or violent. “Immoral” conduct hurts no one except a pecksniff or powermonger obsessed with other peoples’ business. We have seen time and again in history how the most priggishly morals-obsessed cultures easily become the most murderous. We remember Geneva today for its Swiss opulence, but the murderer who put it on the map was Jean Calvin. Germany had been among the most rigidly “moral” (and well-educated) societies in history when it dutifully and diligently worked overtime to construct the multitude of concentration camps and death camps and the monstrous network of road and rail to service that empire – while fighting massive opponents on two fronts, White South Africa today remains a bastion of old-school strict Calvinist morality, backed by the pre-Apartheid Dutch Reformed Church that has never truly surrendered. The most rigidly moral part of American society is the won that has gone to blows again and again to keep American apartheid enforced “by any means necessary.”

“Morals” are not so much descriptive as prescriptive; the morals of the people shun this or ban that. It’s a little bit circular, in a sense; it’s like asking whether homosexuality is illegal. Laws and “morals” are established the same way, but with different degrees of formality or enforcement. The question I ask is whether same-sex love and intimate relationships are evil or oppressive, i.e. harm innocent people. Of course they don’t. Those who are hung up on their Biblical “morals” can stay well hung, so to speak.

I live in a gay resort along the Lake Michigan shoreline called, Saugatuck Michigan; it is considered one of the top ten largest gay resorts in the country. It is a very beautiful and quaint little town much like one would expect to see in New England. I own and live on a small horse farm which includes a dog boarding/breeding/grooming facility which is also where I do my writing. It is about 6 miles outside of the community. Many of the vacationers, whether gay or straight, are from our closest urban centers such as Chicago Illinois or Detroit Michigan. Living in this area for as long as I have, has given me a unique opportunity to observe the many different aspects and trends that gay culture has gone through and continues to go through.

What I have observed for so long, is a minority culture that by its very nature is not accepted by the dominant culture in which it lives. The dominant culture of which I speak is largely a white Christian culture that by the nature of its religious dogma considers homosexuality a sin or worse yet, an abomination. I therefore devoted a chapter to the many misunderstandings and mistranslations resulting in mass confusion that Christianity has about homosexuality. Because of this it has had such an enormous impact on gay culture and its development. I would go so far as to say that it has not only defined gay culture, it has created it out of fear and necessity. Why I say this is because the truth is that the western world is largely a dominant Christian region. For this reason, and this reason alone, gay men and woman have for the need for survival created their own culture and in virtually all large metropolitan areas gays have created their own space. A place where they can behave in ways that comes naturally for them and even indulge in self-parody without the very real dangers of reprisal.

Being out for over 30 years I have had the opportunity to have many conversations with my gay friends and acquaintances about what their school experiences were like. Also in the process of writing this book I interviewed countless gay men from all over the world, around 60 to be more accurate. What was very apparent was that the vast majority of gay men had very similar experiences in school. Most of them had felt isolated, lonely, picked on and clearly felt like the outsiders. After graduation many would go off on their own to college or flee to urban areas looking for some sense of camaraderie and acceptance for likely the first time in their lives. Many of these gay men would out of desperation for acceptance acquiesce to the already established norms and ways of behaving in the gay communities that they join.

Over the years it has become more apparent to me that gay culture needs healthy charismatic leadership such as Martin Luther King kind of persona that will help inspire and motivate the gay community to move in a more positive direction. We still have a long way to go to be completely assimilated within the dominant culture. To me it seems that the gay community has become complacent and is happy just having fun and partying endlessly at their favorite watering holes. It is wonderful to want to have fun and play as long as there is some balance in our lives such as getting involved in some way in helping further our goals of complete assimilation and equal rights under the laws of the land. There is always something that all of us can do to help our fellow man. One can begin helping those in greater need and being less self- involved which I believe gay culture is. It seems to me that so many gay men are willing to settle for metaphorical crumbs as far as equal rights. I personally will not. I want the whole cookie because it is our right under our unique and wonderful constitution. However, we desperately need greater involvement within our culture otherwise we will simply continue with our dysfunctional lifestyle on a downward spiral. We cannot fool ourselves any longer into believing that many of the behaviors within the urban gay culture are acceptable. Just because many of the behaviors one can easily find within gay culture does not mean they are healthy. The rates of all addictions are much higher within gay culture. Unfortunately because they are so common they are not only acceptable but in fact encouraged.

. Very often gay men tend to be catty, gossipy and petty, the types of behaviors one would more likely expect to see in teenage girls. Many also tend to prefer situations that are superficial and are more comfortable with the more extraneous aspects of life. They tend to avoid deep or profound discussions dealing with emotional issues. They often avoid these situations as they arise by giggling or making some silly comment to bring the conversation back into a conversational arena that is more comfortable for them. Intimate discussions are not a comfortable area for many gay men, but of course not all. I believe these behavior issues in which I am speaking are a result of the residual pain from their school-age experiences. I call these wounds,” ghost wounds”. These ghost wounds of which I believe are responsible for many of the self-defeating behaviors one can easily find within any gay bar. I feel this is a good place to use a saying by Shakespeare that may seem overused to some but in this situation I find it highly appropriate because of its eternal truth. The saying goes as such; “a life unexamined is a life not worth living”. For many gay men their early years were very painful and perhaps this is the reason why they do not allow themselves to be introspective. The examination of ones life can be a painful process but the fruits of the process are well worth all the pain that they may have to endure. I need to make it clear that what I have just said is not a blanket statement about all gay men by any means but I feel comfortable saying that it includes a very large segment of the gay community. Most particularly the ones that are very involved within the gay culture. The greatest reason I feel that there is often a cookie cutter or a cliché look among many gays which makes them easier to spot. They want so desperately to feel that they fit in for the reasons I have mentioned.

None of these issues that I brought up about the pettiness and gossipy behaviors, and the superficial nature of gay culture is not something I just made up for kicks. There is not a single gay man that I have ever talked to that hasn’t commented on this phenomenon themselves even though they themselves may also engage in these dysfunctional behaviors as well but somehow are not aware.

The behaviors of which I speak I cannot honestly say that I have yet seen addressed. I consider these behaviors to be serious issues and part of the reason we are not further along than we are in our fight for equal rights. I would be remiss if I didn’t add that by my calling attention to many of these issues has caused numerous retaliations against me personally, my home and my pets by members of the gay community. I know that the truth can be hurtful but essential before the healing can begin. I feel that the gay culture is in a downward spiral. New HIV infections are on the rise again in the community by 12% along with other very serious STD’s. The answer to these very serious problems lies within us all. We need to stop this whirlwind of endless partying and take some time alone to think about what we are doing to ourselves and our reputations. I promise by doing so will enhance and enrich their/our lives in immeasurable ways.
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Thank you, most sincerely, Aaron Jason Silver. http://www.aaronjasonsilver.com asilver@wmis.net
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HOMO SEX IS…

Gay is Good, good is Gay!
Our Sisters too, Lesbians is they.
People is Gay, Lesbians is people

Enough already. Seriously. We are human beings just like our “heterosexual” colleagues. Gay and Lesbian is not only good, Gay and Lesbians are people too.

We are a moral people too.

Anyone who says otherwise, should use a razor blade and let the rest of us get on with the business of living and loving!

If anyone watches or reads the news it would have been difficult not to have heard of the many of sex scandals as of late. I am now speaking of men in high profile positions. A great many of them are members of the clergy. These men obviously knew full well what they were supposed to believe about homosexuality. To them it is considered an immoral and abominable act. Why then were these men not able to pray away these sinful thoughts and be able to resist the temptations of these unnatural acts? Would they have been more successful if they had prayed to a different God perhaps? Or could it be that it is a normal sexual orientation for some people that cannot be altered and it is what God intended for them? It would seem that since members of the clergy who are considered to be closer to God than we mere lay people would be very successful ridding themselves of all sorts of perverted thoughts and acts. It is quite likely that they have prayed about it enough but without success. If the heterosexual majority would do some research on their own by going to gay bars or log on to the gay chat rooms where many gays meet other gays with the safety and anonymity that computers provide. They would then realize the vast numbers of clergy and married men from all walks of life that are struggling with this issue. These men are just the tip of the iceberg. These men are those that are willing to take the first step toward homosexual contact. It is done in baby steps with much guilt, shame, fear and trepidation. I have talked too many of these men as I was researching for my book. It seems quite clear to me that if the clergy themselves cannot fight these powerful inner urgings through prayer then perhaps we ought to start looking at it differently. After all homosexuality does not cause victims as long as it is of mutual consent between adults as it would be expected of heterosexuality as well.
Perhaps it is high time that the phenomenon of “the closet” is addressed and understood. I believe it is essential to discuss “the closet” to provide the necessary context from which to view some of the scandals that have happened recently to people in high profile positions. This discussion needs to be civilized our knee jerk reactions and judgments held in check. After all, the last time I checked Christian doctrine we are not supposed to judge others. We need to discuss the subject of “the closet” with great compassion. By the term “closet”, I am referring to the emotional place that many people with same sex attractions recoil into in order to keep any suspicion of their sexual orientation away from them. Many closeted gay men will often compartmentalize their lives and marry in order to try and rid themselves of these same sex attractions and to thwart any unwanted suspicion. When one represses the powerful natural urgings of sexuality they then often have secret sexual liaisons, become very involved in conservative religious dogma and/or become members of the clergy themselves desperately hoping that these same sex attractions will go away if they just try harder. Whichever methods closeted gays use, are desperate attempts at hiding, or even used as a way of trying to rid themselves of their natural sexual inclinations by trying to play it “normal”. This is done out of shame for being something other than what they believe their God or families and friends want of them. I am speaking primarily of men at this time because I believe men use the closet even more often than woman. The reason being is because of societies more narrow view and expectations of what behaviors are considered acceptable and “normal” for men. Woman can be tomboys much easier than men can be sissies. Of course not all gay men are effeminate by a long shot but that is a stereotypical image of gay men. Therefore men with same sex orientations will often practice stereotypical masculine behaviors to thwart any suspicion out of fear of social denunciation.
The practice of compartmentalizing ones life for very long often will often cause the development of some emotional problems to varying degrees and manifesting in a variety of ways. Many closeted men develop coping mechanisms such as addictive behaviors of all sorts whether it is alcoholism, prescription or non prescription drug abuse. They may develop addictions to pornography, sexual addiction or other self-destructive ways of acting out. The longer one stays in the closet there will then also generally be more victims because of their closeted lifestyle choice. The victims may be their wives, children, their friends, parents, siblings etc. All feeling like they have been betrayed and deceived when the closeted individuals true nature is discovered as it was for ex-governor of New Jersey, Mr. McGreevy, ex-congressmen Foley, the president of the Evangelicals, very patriotic members of our armed services to name just a few of the staggering numbers of men that have also been hiding their true selves. I feel very sad for the victims as I do with the closeted individual. They are all truly victims. I understand the humiliation, despair, and profound depression that the closeted individuals feel that soon follows once that door to the closet has been flung open. For some, the shame and fear is just too unbearable and suicide seems like the only alternative to ending their unbearable pain and shame. Suicide rates and addictions are much higher than heterosexual men.

Society needs to take some responsibility with this matter of the closet by being more accepting of alternative lifestyles. Without the closet, try and imagine how much less pain many people and families would have to endure. Not only the ones that feel that living in the closet is their only alternative, but for the victims that find themselves feeling betrayed once the secret comes out.

We as a culture have some soul searching to do on this matter and not be so self-righteous and quick to judge. There are a variety of ways of loving and living. We need to accept the fact that what seems to be normal for some is not necessarily normal for all. There is still so much shame involved yet in this day and age concerning sexual orientation in our rather hypocritical puritanical society. This attitude is unfortunately what causes many gays not to seek help concerning issues they may be struggling with from the appropriate professionals. I generally do not recommend clergy because it can cause further damage due to their religious agendas which can deepen one’s shame and depression. This is a very complicated issue and I don’t have all the answers. I am however certain that society has to become more compassionate toward people with innate same sex attractions. If they do not, we will continue to shame many gay people enough so that it will continue to inhibit many from being true to themselves and therefore to their loved ones.

One can read more about this issue and many other disturbing issues involving gay culture of today in my new book; “why gay men do what they do”; an inside look at gay culture. Thank you, Aaron Jason Silver
http://www.aaronjasonsilver.com

Our Founders were confronted with this moral question, as were segregationists later on: does the most reprobate white man have more protections and rights than the finest and most upstanding black person?

To hazard the question, one can find that many heterosexuals haven’t thought it through. Haven’t been taught or challenged to do so.
It’s easy to respond tersely and without consciousness to the question.
But they believe that the worst things that happen to gay people, like being murdered, are anecdotal and far off someplace.
But most profoundly unkind thing, to have one’s children taken away arbitrarily, or to never adopt them to save them from institutionalization. Or to care for one’s chosen love so that the state won’t have to.
Not thought through. Not engaged in by straight people with gay.
Indeed, straight people hijack and determine so much information that they control about gay people, when the results are bad, or don’t match reality and their credibility suffers, still, they will ‘blame the gays’ for making liars of them all.
Religious people will indulge in how reactive they are to be against gay people.
But it doesn’t occur to them that gay people aren’t and haven’t been so reactive to the hurts they’ve been dealt.
Instead of exploiting this as weakness, I would see this as a strength of moral character within gay people worthy of religion’s greatest prophets and teachers.
Even with your article here Terrence, you’ve thought it all through.
Religious people especially seem to be unaccustomed to thinking ENOUGH through, as if faith is a shield from exercising greater intellectual…and consistent moral prowess.

Yeah, I’ve heard that too. And lately, my response has been, “Well, let me know when you’ve stopped sinning before you tell me to stop.” It’s so easy for many in the religious right to tell other people how to live, but goodness forbid that they be held to the same standard.

JOhn.