The Republic of T.

Black. Gay. Father. Vegetarian. Buddhist. Liberal.

Bush, Bin Laden & the Gay Bomb

I’d forgotten all about this, and I’m not sure why it’s come back up again. I thought it was a joke the first time I heard it back in 2005, but then at least one major media outlet said the Pentagon confirmed it. I hadn’t thought of it until I saw something about it on the Huffington Post.

According to the BBC, the US Air Force Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio proposed a gay bomb research project, which was (darn!) rejected by the Pentagon in 1994. If the project had been funded, (at a modest $7.5 million) we might now be in possession of such a weapon, which would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and also “sexually irresistible” to each other.

Isn’t it always the best ideas which fall by the wayside?

By contrast, the whole idea of gay marriage, which could have a similar effect on society is tediously slow. It will take decades for the virus of homosexuality to be spread by gays being married to each other. But the gay bomb would be dropped behind enemy lines and KARRUMBA everybody would be gay!

Of course there’s the problem of civilian casualties. A well placed smart gay bomb could be targeted at a military base, but is there any way of containing it? Couldn’t the effects spread uncontrollably, especially in a confusing urban warfare environment like Iraq? And what of the consequences to the next generation? Would the unborn be affected? Just how ruthless would we be in deploying this weapon?

Now that I think about it, if such a bomb exists, that might be one of the few ways to put an end to the ongoing destruction there. But, as long as we’re day dreaming about solving interminable quagmires with queer projectiles, let’s dream big.

If we have a spare gay bomb, why not drop one in the mountains of Afghanistan. I recall George W. Bush expressing a wish not long ago. Given that we’re talking about a non-lethal weapon here, why not parachute the president into the target area before we drop it, and give George W. Bush his deepest desire.

Speaking of George Bush, with whom Sharon developed a very close relationship, Uri Dan recalls that Sharon’s delicacy made him reluctant to repeat what the president had told him when they discussed Osama bin Laden. Finally he relented. And here is what the leader of the Western world, valiant warrior in the battle of cultures, promised to do to bin Laden if he caught him: “I will screw him in the ass!”

Of course, as we should well know by now, there’s a downside to giving George W. Bush what he wants. Especially when he wants to send an invading force into someone else’s territory. Too often, the tables get turned on Dubya. And in this case there’s no telling what the effect of the gay bomb would have on people. It supposedly makes people gay, but there’s no news about how it affects their preferences as far as sexual position.

It’s not hard to imagine that Bush could be in for more than he bargained for. [Ed. Note: There’s a graphic after the jump that is so NSFW that it would irresponsible not to tell you]

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It’s not hard to imagine the scenario playing out something like this.

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But in a cave instead of a hotel room. And, yes, I realize this is a very poor Photoshop job, but it does illustrate the point.

Bushscrew

The downside (pun intended) for Bush is that there’d be no pillow to bite, but if he’s the tough guy he’s always pretended to be maybe he can just bite down on a rock.For the rest of the country, and much of the world as well, the upside would be that for once George W. Bush would be the one getting fucked instead of everyone who’s adversely affected by his positions on everything from the economy to foreign and domestic policy. Who knows? This could have the potential to make everybody happy, especially if you parachute the entire Bush cabinet in before unleashing this non-lethal weapon.

But, perhaps, especially Bush himself. Because he’s probably a bottom, anyway. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) And a pushy one at that! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, either.) And as a bonus, given his penchant for the medium, there’s a good chance Bin Laden will fire up the videocam and treat the world to another video. If you’re into that sort of thing.

So, what’s the Pentagon waiting for?

2 Comments

  1. In The Spiders, a webcomic by Patrick Farley, President Gore of an alternate U.S. drops MDMA bombs on Afghanistan. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but at the time anything involving MDMA seemed like a good idea.

  2. Wait, isn’t this kind of similar to the plot of the first X-Men movie, wherein Magneto tries to target a weapon at the world’s leaders to make them mutants, the thing he feels they most fear, rendering them useless to the countries from which they came?

    Ikay, but I just . . . I’m really uncomfortable with the idea of drawing parallels, even indirect ones, between Bush and Ian McKellen. Ian deserves better than that.

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