First, I love ya, Keith. When it comes to “Straight Guys I Love,” you’re right up there with Jon Stewart. OK? But this time I think you’re asking way to much of the president. I mean fight a war? You know and I know he’s got no experience. For that matter, neither do a lot of his supporters in the administration or in Congress. And his youngest supporters aren’t interested in the job.
Oh, and 60% of Military.Com readers area ready to quit the job too.
Tucker, you’re next. Unlike Keith, I’m completely over you. My advice: pipe down and uncross your legs already. Trust me, nobody much wants it anyway.
Amy, goodness knows I love ya. I mean, those first coupla lines in “Back to Black” were enough to do it for me. But, sugar, it’s time to go to rehab. I mean go, go, go.
Speaking of “go, go, go,” to the women nattering on and on and on about the new Harry Potter book, at the table beside me at Starbucks this morning, would you still be wild about Harry if he was black and gay? My bet is … no.
And as long as I’m being bitter, I kinda sympathize with women who fall in love with lifers — guys who ain’t probably gonna see the outside of a prison unless they manage to peek out from a pine box — but I’m not sure I’m feeling their “doing time on the outside” vibe.” After all, you can marry your man. Some of you are lining up to marry these guys. Me? I can’t marry mine, and he didn’t even kill anybody.
The funny thing is, they don’t want me to marry in this country, but if I go abroad and get married, they won’t let me get divorced either. How do ya like that? They’re so divorced from reason that the same logic that leads them to oppose my marriage would also require them to uphold it, because to let me divorce they’d first have to acknowledge the marriage. I’d almost go to Canada, come back and file for divorce just to piss them off.
And finally, I can’t wrap up without enjoying a little schadenfreude on behalf of my old home state, Georgia, which was so anxious to stick it to illegal immigrants that it ended up inadvertently sticking it to used car salesmen. Undocumented immigrants can’t get licensed, so they’re returning their cars. Boy, I’m glad people don’t think stuff like that through. It’d be a much less amusing world otherwise.