The Republic of T.

OK, I’ll admit I’m shocked. If I’d even tried to guess which state would be the next to allow gays to legally marry, I would have picked California or Maryland, where cases are now pending in the states’ highest courts. I would not have picked Iowa. But apparently, Iowa it is.

Two men sealed the state’s first legal same-sex marriage with a kiss Friday morning, less than 24 hours after a judge threw out Iowa’s ban gay marriage and about two hours before he put the ruling on hold.

It was a narrow window of opportunity.

Thursday afternoon, Polk County Judge Robert Hanson temporarilyvcleared the way for same-sex couples across the state to apply for marriage licenses in Polk County when he ruled that Iowa’s 1998 Defense of Marriage Act, which allowed marriage only between a man and a woman, violated the constitutional rights of due process and equal protection of six gay couples who had sued.

County attorney John Sarcone promised a quick appeal, and he asked Hanson to stay his ruling until the appeal was resolved.

A dozen gay and lesbian couples were waiting at the county recorder’s office when it opened Friday morning.

By 11 a.m., 20 had applied for marriage licenses when Recorder Julie Haggerty announced that she had been instructed to stop accepting the applications. Hanson told The Associated Press about an hour and half later that he had formally stayed his ruling.

I can’t blame those doezen couples. I’d have camped out at the courthouse myself. Even with the possibility that the court could “un-marry” us later, being legally married might come in handy, if our rights and protections as a couple were called into question in the meantime.

But the Iowa situation brings up some interesting questions.

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The Queen is dead. Long live the Queen. Of mean, that is. Leona may have gone to that great tax-shelter in the sky — though not before one last slap, leaving $12 million to her dog and strangely conditional trusts to her grandchildren — but there may be a new contender for the crown. While shopping for jewelry, Condoleezza Rice was heard to say to an exasperated clerk:

Condoleezza Rice may be willing to compromise at a Middle East negotiating table – but not at a jewelry counter.

Coit Blacker, a Stanford professor who is one of the secretary of state’s closest friends, recalls going into a shop where Rice asked to see earrings. The clerk showed her costume jewelry. Rice asked to see something nicer, prompting the clerk to whisper some sass under her breath.

Blacker remembers Rice tearing the woman to shreds.

“Let’s get one thing straight,” he recalls her saying. “You are behind the counter because you have to work for minimum wage. I’m on this side asking to see the good jewelry because I make considerably more.

I don’t know that an annual salary of $183,500 puts Condi in Leona’s bracket, but then again I also don’t know how much her total assets add up to. I do know that she’s serious about her shopping. There was that woman who scolded her for buying Ferragmos in the midst of the Katrina aftermath. She got dragged off by security.

Those two stories, plus one or two others I’ve read lately, have brought up one question in my mind: What is it about power/money/success, that it seems to come with a license to treat other people badly?

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No, I’m not going to launch into another post about Larry Craig. Yet. But as I was looking through my referring links, I came across this wonderful post from Seething Mom. I’ll get to what she has to say to Craig in a minute. First I gotta share the statement at the top her her blog.

I seethe not because my son is gay. I seethe because he is gay in a country governed by people who find it politically advantageous to deem him a second-class citizen because he is gay. I seethe because there are people who preach hatred and discrimination towards gays under the guise of Christianity. I seethe because there are groups who claim to be advocates for the family but who do great harm to any family that doesn’t fit their narrow view of “normal”.

So, why is this seething mom saying “thank you” to Larry Craig?

Well.

Yep, that’s right Senator Craig, you heard me right, I want to thank you. You see, you have just shown millions of parents who have gay and lesbian children why they absolutely, positively MUST encourage their children to come out and proudly be who they are. You have also confirmed why all parents should not only accept their gay and lesbian children but embrace and love their gay and lesbian children just exactly as they are.

And Senator Craig, you have done a marvelous job of showing millions of parents just how toxic and harmful the closet is and why all parents need to encourage their gay and lesbian children to come out into the sunshine and proudly celebrate who they are. I mean after all, no truly good and loving parent would ever wish upon their beloved child the pitiful, tortured, hypocritical, and pathetic existence you have endured for decades.

But that is not all you have done for the gay and lesbian community Senator. In addition to all of the above, you have also confirmed for the many parents like me who have embraced their gay and lesbian children from the start what great gifts unconditional love and acceptance are for our children. Could there be any greater family or Christian value than that Senator?

Could there, indeed? From Craig to Foley to Allen to Haggard, I wonder how many examples of the closet’s toxicity we’ll have to observe before we finally “get it”?

Technorati Tags: larry craig, current events, gay rights, homophobia, politics

And this mom isn’t the only one who’s seething.

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Too bad we don’t live in New Zealand. Because we’d get commercials like this, which crams in more sexual innuendoes than I knew existed (no, really, I had to look some of them up) but does it that’s TV-safe.

How many did you spot? I got these:

Technorati Tags: humor, sex, television, video

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August 2003 was a deadly month to be a transgender woman in Washington, D.C. One year after Ukea Davis and Stephanie Thomas were shot to death, three transgender women were shot inside of just five days. It started with the murder of Bella Evangelista. It continued with the murder of Emonie Kiera Spaulding, and the shooting of Dee Andre. All of three murders had something in common besides the victims being transgender. In each case, the victims were engaged in sex work. Evangelista, according to friends, was part of a support group in which she talked about having to engage in occasional sex work to support herself.

In fact, the three murders caused a discussion at the time that came to mind for me when, as I was working on the Bella Evangelista entry, a I found myself in a discussion about including transgender people in the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. I couldn’t help but see a direct connection between employment discrimination against transgender persons, and the murders of transgender women engaged in sex work.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, crime, D.C., gender, hate crimes, homophobia, politics

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Update: Carlson has responded with the following message to Media Matters.

Let me be clear about an incident I referred to on MSNBC last night: In the mid-1980s, while I was a high school student, a man physically grabbed me in a men’s room in Washington, DC. I yelled, pulled away from him and ran out of the room. Twenty-five minutes later, a friend of mine and I returned to the men’s room. The man was still there, presumably waiting to do to someone else what he had done to me. My friend and I seized the man and held him until a security guard arrived.

Several bloggers have characterized this is a sort of gay bashing. That’s absurd, and an insult to anybody who has fought back against an unsolicited sexual attack. I wasn’t angry with the man because he was gay. I was angry because he assaulted me.

In classic Craig-like fashion, Carlson’s response raises more questions than it answers.

First, it’s markedly different from what he said on MSNBC. How did it go from “hit[ting] him against the stall with his head” to holding him until the police arrived?

So, what was last night? Macho posturing for “the boys”? Why embellish the story with violence that he now says didn’t happen? And as for fighting back, Carlson “yelled and pulled away from him” and was already gone. Long gone. For 25 minutes. Why then would he return? Did he know the guy would still be there? How did he know the guy would still be there?

And was it unsolicited sexual attack or an unwanted advance, of the kind that most women have experienced at some point or another? Would Carlson have reacted the same way to a woman making the same kind of sexual advance to him?

And while I’m asking questions, what park does Carlson take his kid to that has a thriving “tearoom”? I’ve got a five year old myself, and I’m pretty familiar with area parks. But he doesn’t go into public restrooms unless one of us goes with him, and I’ve yet to go into one where there’s any cruising action going on? And if I did, I probably wouldn’t take my kid back to that park.

Like I said, Tucker just raises more questions than he answers.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, celebrities, current events, gay bashing, homophobia, politics, television

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Try as I might, and no matter how much the folks at TNR think some people should shut up about marriage equality, I just can’t do it. I’ve spent too much time hearing the stories of what happens to our families in the absence of marriage equality. The latest story, of a gay couple separated by immigration laws, I learned about via Chris Crain. This is one of those cases that kind of undermines the oppositions favorite “there are other legal avenues” argument. Unless there’s a legal answer here that I don’t know about, other than a sham marriage.

TIM COCO, 46, runs a successful advertising agency in Haverhill. Six years ago he met Genesio Januario Oliveira, who was visiting Boston on vacation from his home in Brazil. The two fell in love and in 2005, under rights protected by the Massachusetts Constitution, they were married. Since then, they have lived happily and quietly in a Boston suburb with their dog, Q-Tip.

Except that two weeks ago Oliveira was forced to return to Brazil under orders from the US Board of Immigration Appeals, which denied his application for the asylum status he hoped would allow him to stay in the United States with his husband. The couple needed to pursue the asylum route because their same-sex marriage is not recognized by the federal government, and federal laws supersede states’ when it comes to immigration.

According to the 2000 US Census, some 35,000 same-sex couples who list themselves as “unmarried partners” similarly include one person who is a US citizen and one person who is not. They do not all try to follow the law as dutifully as Coco and Oliveira. Indeed, Oliveira is probably rare among immigrants for complying with the BIA’s June order to “voluntarily depart” within 60 days or risk deportation, fines, and a 10-year bar from applying for another US visa. When he arrived at the US consulate in Sao Paulo to certify he had left within the 60 days, his visa was canceled. “I guess you don’t get any points for playing by the rules,” says Tim.

Nope. Not if you’re gay. In fact. playing by the rules may mean paying a higher price if you’re gay. Not just in terms of subsidizing benefits for heterosexual couples that you don’t get for your family, or shelling out enough money to pay for 20 marriage licenses while getting less than 1% of the benefits and protections afforded marriage. Even playing by the alternate rules for same-sex couples, and registering as domestic partners, ends up having a price.

Technorati Tags: civil rights, civil unions, culture, current events, gay marriage, gay rights, history, marriage, politics, religion, same-sex marriage

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There’s one aspect of the Larry Craig Scandal that’s been in the back of my mind ot write about since the story broke yesterday, and yoshi touched on it in a comment on the previous post.

I am fascinated by the cultural differences between generations. There is this whole culture of sneaking around bathrooms and parks and secret hand signals that I never was exposed too (and quite frankly don’t want to experience). I don’t know one person my age (35) or younger that does this.

Whether anyone under 35 does it or not, and arguably some do, what Senator Craig allegedly got caught doing (though I’m not sure I need to add the “allegedly” qualifier, since he pleaded guilty earlier this month, and didn’t have his fingers crossed as far as I know) isn’t anything new. It’s called “tearoom trade“, and it’s as old as the public restroom itself, and entire histories have been written about it.

Technorati Tags: crime, culture, current events, gay rights, homophobia, politics, religion

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I really shouldn’t pick on Sen. Larry Craig. But there’s so much to address in this case, especially in the light of the recent news of another Republican — in this case, Florida state Representative Bob Allen — getting busted for soliciting sex in a public bathroom.

To be frank, these guys did pretty lousy at coming up with explanations or alibis for the actions leading to their arrests. I mean, Craig blames his arrest on his problems with haveing a “wide stance” when going to the bathroom. Now, I don’t know whether Craig is just a tall guy who requires more legroom than most bathroom stalls allow, but you’d have have ‘em spread pretty damn wide if your foot is brushing up against the foot of the guy in the next stall, while your sitting on the potty. And I won’t even begin to analyze Allen’s excuse that he was intimidated by a black police officer or scared of lightening.

There’s another reason why upstanding conservative guys like these two might be spending time in public bathrooms. I call it “Saving Souls at Glory Holes.”

Technorati Tags: courts, crime, current events, gay, politics, religion, sex

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So, Senator Larry Craig — Mitt Romney & DOMA supporter — regrets pleading guilty to lewd conduct in an airport men’s room. That reminds me of Rhett Butler’s line to Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With the Wind, “You’re like the thief who isn’t the least bit sorry he stole, but is terribly, terribly sorry he’s going to jail.” (Gimme a break. I’m gay and a southerner. That gives me the right to make as many GWTW references as I want.)

But it seems like the charges in this case would have been pretty easy fight. So why, if Craig pleaded guilty, does he now regret doing so. Why didn’t he fight the charges then?

Technorati Tags: courts, crime, current events, politics, sex

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It’s getting so I can’t keep up anymore. But kudos to Mike Rogers of BlogActive for being right all along. Again. Mike was has been telling us for while now about Craig being a closet case. But who’d have thought that the Senator would flame out in Foley-like fasion? And in a public restroom, no less?

According to the incident report, Sgt. Dave Karsnia was working as a plainclothes officer on June 11 investigating civilian complaints regarding sexual activity in the men’s public restroom in which Craig was arrested.

Airport police previously had made numerous arrests in the men’s restroom of the Northstar Crossing in the Lindbergh Terminal in connection with sexual activity.

Karsnia entered the bathroom at noon that day and about 13 minutes after taking a seat in a stall, he stated he could see “an older white male with grey hair standing outside my stall.”

The man, who lingered in front of the stall for two minutes, was later identified as Craig.

“I could see Craig look through the crack in the door from his position. Craig would look down at his hands, ‘fidget’ with his fingers, and then look through the crack into my stall again. Craig would repeat this cycle for about two minutes,” the report states.

Craig then entered the stall next to Karsnia’s and placed his roller bag against the front of the stall door.

It gets worse. Or better, depending on your outlook.

Technorati Tags: blogs, civil rights, culture, current events, gay, homophobia, politics

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Not who’s targeted for a hate crime because of their (real or perceived) sexual orientation ends up being murdered. Some survive, but their lives are never the same. Like Dwan Prince. His was one of the stories I wanted to write about when I started this project. I’d blogged about it before and always wanted to cover it in more detail.

What struck me as I was reading about how Dwan Prince was attacked by three men — right outside of his apartment building, who beat, stomped, and kicked him while shouting anti-gay epithets (and, according to some witnesses, his name), and how one attacker returned to deliver one final kick to Prince’s face, as lay dazed and bleeding — was what sparked it all. Unlike what happened to Richie Philips or Jason Gage, there were no alleged (and allegedly unwelcome) sexual advances behind closed doors. Like Roberto Duncanson, what happened between Prince and his attacker happened in the street. And what happened to Dwan Prince happened in the street.

And what sparked the beating that would leave Dwan Prince with lifelong consequences? A look and a flirtatious remark. Like Roberto Duncanson, Prince’s main offense was just looking at his attacker. (I’m reminded of the response I used to hear in kindergarden, “How would you know he’s looking at you unless you’re looking at him?”) Like Duncanson’s attacker, Prince’s asked “What the fuck are you looking at?” And, according to witnesses, Prince responded with a flirtatious joke. (Just like Kevin Aviance’s attackers claimed he provoked a beating by calling one of them “sweetie.”)

For that, Dwan Prince’s life was unalterably changed, and very nearly taken from him.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, crime, current events, gay bashing, gay rights, hate crimes, homophobia, politics

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It’s a only a slight relief that Gonzales has resigned as attorney general. Only slightly, particularly to someone like me — who opposed his nomination in the first place — because we still live in an America where this man could become attorney general in the first place, either because not enough of us opposed what he opened the door for us to become, or because what he opened the door for us to become was exactly what we wanted to be.

At least since Watergate, Americans have come to take for granted a certain story line of scandal, in which revelation is followed by investigation, adjudication and expiation. Together, Congress and the courts investigate high-level wrongdoing and place it in a carefully constructed narrative, in which crimes are charted, malfeasance is explicated and punishment is apportioned as the final step in the journey back to order, justice and propriety.

When Alberto Gonzales takes his seat before the Senate Judiciary Committee today for hearings to confirm whether he will become attorney general of the United States, Americans will bid farewell to that comforting story line. The senators are likely to give full legitimacy to a path that the Bush administration set the country on more than three years ago, a path that has transformed the United States from a country that condemned torture and forbade its use to one that practices torture routinely. Through a process of redefinition largely overseen by Mr. Gonzales himself, a practice that was once a clear and abhorrent violation of the law has become in effect the law of the land.

Technorati Tags: bush, current events, human rights, iraq, politics, torture, war on terror

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What a sneaky Buddhist dad I am. I wrote earlier about figuring out how to raise our son with a set of values so that he will be less vulnerable to fundamentalism, dogmatism, etc. when he gets older. Well, when Parker was much younger, I looked up several children’s books on Buddhism or with a Buddhist flavor. A while back I got one of them, I Once Was a Monkey: Stories Buddha Told, via BookMooch. It’s a collection of Jataka Tales adapted for children. (By the way, check out this great site with animated jataka tales. I’d show it to Parker, but I’m afraid I’d never use my computer again!)

I put the book on the shelf and left it there at first, because the writing was a little advanced for Parker then. But a couple of weeks ago, when we were getting tired of reading the same books we always read to Parker, I pulled I Once Was a Monkey off the shelf. But I didn’t offer to read it to him, because that would have given him a chance to refuse. I just started reading it silently and waited for his natural curiosity to kick in.

It did. For the first week, I read one story each night. Then he started asking me to read from it when I put him to bed. Now it’s one of his favorite books. And he gets the stories. He stops me and asks questions, and we talk about what’s happening in the story and why. By George, it worked. I don’t want to push my luck, but I think next time I have a chance I’m going to thumb through a copy of Zen Shorts, and if it passes muster, I’ll bring it home too.

Technorati Tags: books, buddhism, parenting, religion

I have Prometheus to thank for bringing to my attention this LA Times op-ed addressing the silliness of black ministers who claim that the hate crimes bill will stifle their freedom to preach anti-gay hatred from the pulpit.

A coalition of conservative African American pastors has aggressively lobbied against this legislation on the premise that it would make it unlawful for them to preach that homosexuality is a sin. Bishop Harry R. Jackson Jr., pastor of the Hope Christian Church in College Park, Md., for example, has asserted that the act would “keep the church from preaching the Gospel.”

… Of course, the pastors do not intend to assault anyone physically. Their claim, rather, is that they could be prosecuted merely for preaching against homosexuality. They fear that such sermonizing might be transmogrified by the law into an attempt to incite members of their congregations to lynch gays because of their sexual orientation.

… The 1st Amendment protects the right of Nazis to march in Skokie, the right of racists to assert that blacks are inferior, the right of atheists to denounce Christianity and the right of homophobes to condemn homosexuality. The argument of the pastors that the proposed legislation in any way threatens their right to preach their version of the Gospel is, to be frank, ridiculous.

Yes, these misguided (or just plain mean) minister retain all the same rights as the Nazis or the Klan. And, yes, it does tickle me to be able to make that comparison again, as I’ve done once or twice before. Men like Willie Wilson, Alfred Owens, Eddie Long, and Wellington Boone may fulminate against faggots as much as they like. In their God’s name even. But before they saddle up to ride with the Klan, I’d like to remind them of a couple of things.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, courts, crime, current events, gay bashing, gay rights, homophobia, politics, race, religion

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I hadn’t really intended this to become a series, but I keep coming across these stories, and before I can stop myself, my fingers are tapping away at the keyboard. The last time I wrote a “poisonous parenting” post, I got comments attempting to take me to task for allegedly painting all heterosexual parent with the same brush as the parents in that post and the previous post. Well, that was never the point. Of course the parents mentioned in these posts aren’t representative of all heterosexual parents. (Were that the case, I probably wouldn’t be in any shape to write this or much of anything else.)

The point is that there are people who put me and other gay parents in the same category as these parents. The point is that there are people who believe that being heterosexual makes someone an inherently better candidate for parenthood and that being gay makes one an inherently inferior parent, because gay parents are abusive and selfish by definition. It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do to your kids. Being heterosexual doesn’t automatically make you a good parent, but you can’t be a good parent and be gay, according to their logic.

I’ll put it this way. My son’s daycare is having a teacher training day today, so he’s at home with me. I’ll probably take him out to ride his bike this morning, Then probably to Einstein’s Bagels (which he calls “the Bagel Store” for lunch. After that I’ll probably watch his favorite movie with him (and try to get a little work done on the laptop). Then we’ll top off the afternoon with a trip to the neighborhood swimming pool before Papa gets home. Since it’s my turn to put him to bed tonight, I’ll probably sing him three or four of his favorite songs before kissing him goodnight and going downstairs. If I were a heterosexual dad, I’d probably get some amount of approval for spending that kind of quality time with my son. But because I’m a gay dad, it doesn’t matter what I do. Because of the reasons mentioned above, I supposedly belong in the same category as some of these parents; and maybe even a step or two lower, because at least they’re heterosexual. If they clean up their acts, they can still be good parents. Better than me, even.

Technorati Tags: child abuse, current events, family, gay rights, parenting, politics

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I was in the middle of researching and writing up the murders of Ukea Davis and Stephanie Thomas when I realize I would have to take the hate crimes project I started on Wikipedia beyond Wikipedia. As with Erica Keel and Nireah Johnson, I’d be hard pressed to defend whether they met the standard of “notability” on Wikipedia; basically that it’d be an uphill battle to convince some people that the lives and deaths of Davis and Thomas were and are worth noticing.

It certainly wasn’t recent. And beyond a few hundred people who gathered for a vigil at scene of the murder a few days later, and another vigil a year later, their deaths didn’t spark massive protests. It’s been five years since they were shot to death, with subautomatic weapons, shot at least 10 times each, in the head and the chest, in a neighborhood where Thomas’ mother said everyone knew they were transgender, where both had faced harassment for being transgender.

They died on the same Washington, D.C., street corner where Tyra Hunter had lain dying of injuries from an automobile accident, when emergency responders laughed and withdrew emergency treatment when they discovered Hunter was transgender. The same fire engine company that responded to Hunter’s accident responded to Davis’ and Thomas’ murders, and according to witnesses at the scene, the women’s bodies were dragged from the car. Thomas was dropped face down on the street, and a firefighter later turned her body over with his foot as blood poured from her wounds. You might say they were afforded as much dignity in death as they were in life.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, crime, culture, D.C., gay bashing, gay rights, gender, hate crimes, politics, web, wikipedia

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After some consideration, and discussions, I’ve come to the decision that I will add no further articles on LGBT hate crime victims to Wikipedia. When I started the Hate Crimes on Wikipedia project, it was because I’d noticed that there were several anti-LGBT hate crimes I knew, and had written about, of that were not documented on Wikipedia for some reason. I thought that by adding them to Wikipedia, I could bring more exposure to a broader spectrum LGBT people who have been the targets of hate crimes.

I have learned, however, that the notability guidelines on Wikipedia, and some of the community members who enforce them, make it almost impossible to show to bring exposure to hate crimes that happened long ago and/or not received widespread coverage. And that means that it is difficult to being exposure to more diverse LGBT hate crime victims on Wikipedia, if their stories are not recent, having received widespread coverage, or otherwise launched major protests or new legislation. As subjective as those guidelines sound, they are reasons I was given as objections to some of the articles I posted.

So, rather than fight that battle, I’ve decided to launch a new site: the LGBT Hate Crimes Project. I wanted to keep it simple, so that the focus will be on the stories. It’s a wiki that I spent much of yesterday and today setting up, and it’s where the new stories I will research and write up will be housed. I’m also in the process of copying the articles I wrote for Wikipedia onto this new site. I’m also in the process of rounding up support, as it looks like it will be an ongoing project.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, crime, current events, gay bashing, hate crimes, homophobia, politics, technology, wikipedia

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The Hate Crimes on Wikipedia project continues. I’ve got more cases to post this week, as time allows. Right now it looks like another one made the front page of Wikipedia’s “Did you know…” section. First it was the article on Nizah Morris. This time it’s the article on Nireah Johnson. (Second from the bottom in the clip below.)

Want to support the project to document anti-LGBT hate crimes on Wikipedia? Hit the PayPal button on the sidebar. All contributions will go to access news archives in order to better document hate crime stories.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, crime, gay bashing, gay rights, homophobia, politics, web, wikipedia

It’s almost amusing that Arkansas, in an effort to raise the legal marriage age but allow pregnant teenagers to marry with parental permission, ended up making it legal for kids of any age to marry with their parents legal consent.

A law enacted this year allows Arkansans of any age — even infants — to marry if their parents give approval, and the governor may call a special session of the legislature to fix the mistake, lawmakers said. The legislation was intended to establish 18 as the minimum age to marry but also allow younger pregnant teenagers to marry with parental consent, said Representative Will Bond, a Democrat, who sponsored the bill. The bill contains an extraneous “not”: “In order for a person who is younger than 18 years of age and who is not pregnant to obtain a marriage license, the person must provide the county clerk with evidence of parental consent to the marriage.”

So, until there’s a special legislative session, even infants can be married to each other in Arkansas if their parents are crazy enough to sign the legal papers. But, as Dana points out, same-sex couples — even infant couples — are still prevented from marrying. None of this should come as a surprise, though, given that even while America contorts itself to prevent same-sex adults from marrying, we’re subsidizing forced child marriages around the globe.

Technorati Tags: anti-gay violence, current events, gay rights, gender, hate crimes, homophobia, human rights, marriage, politics, religion

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