The Republic of T.

Black. Gay. Father. Vegetarian. Buddhist. Liberal.

Even More Poisonous Parenting

This entry is part 3 of 26 in the series poisonous parenting

I hadn’t really intended this to become a series, but I keep coming across these stories, and before I can stop myself, my fingers are tapping away at the keyboard. The last time I wrote a “poisonous parenting” post, I got comments attempting to take me to task for allegedly painting all heterosexual parent with the same brush as the parents in that post and the previous post. Well, that was never the point. Of course the parents mentioned in these posts aren’t representative of all heterosexual parents. (Were that the case, I probably wouldn’t be in any shape to write this or much of anything else.)

The point is that there are people who put me and other gay parents in the same category as these parents. The point is that there are people who believe that being heterosexual makes someone an inherently better candidate for parenthood and that being gay makes one an inherently inferior parent, because gay parents are abusive and selfish by definition. It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do to your kids. Being heterosexual doesn’t automatically make you a good parent, but you can’t be a good parent and be gay, according to their logic.

I’ll put it this way. My son’s daycare is having a teacher training day today, so he’s at home with me. I’ll probably take him out to ride his bike this morning, Then probably to Einstein’s Bagels (which he calls “the Bagel Store” for lunch. After that I’ll probably watch his favorite movie with him (and try to get a little work done on the laptop). Then we’ll top off the afternoon with a trip to the neighborhood swimming pool before Papa gets home. Since it’s my turn to put him to bed tonight, I’ll probably sing him three or four of his favorite songs before kissing him goodnight and going downstairs. If I were a heterosexual dad, I’d probably get some amount of approval for spending that kind of quality time with my son. But because I’m a gay dad, it doesn’t matter what I do. Because of the reasons mentioned above, I supposedly belong in the same category as some of these parents; and maybe even a step or two lower, because at least they’re heterosexual. If they clean up their acts, they can still be good parents. Better than me, even.

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It doesn’t matter that I don’t leave my kids in squalid conditions.

Amara N. Eden, 31, pleaded guilty on the eve of her scheduled trial in circuit court to five counts of leaving a child under 10 unattended and two counts of reckless endangerment. She was sentenced to five years in prison, with all but 20 days suspended, and five years of probation. Eden will be permitted to serve the jail time on weekends.

… The conditions in the basement apartment where police found the five children alone in March were so bad that the entire house was deemed uninhabitable. Police found the children — ages 6 months to 6 years old — on a sheetless bed that smelled of urine and feces. Only a small electric space heater kept them warm, according to a charging document. The infant has cystic fibrosis, and each child was dirty, hungry and appeared to be in need of medical attention, according to the charging document.

My kid lives in a relatively clean and comfortable home, where the only thing that occasionally litters the floor are his toys. But he lives in a home with two gay dads so, like Amara Eden’s kids, he’s basically an abused child.

I’ve never left my kid home alone, either. Hell, if he goes to another part of the house and I don’t hear from him for a while, I’m up, moving, and calling his name. So, he doesn’t get a chance to wander the streets like this three-year-old in Cincinnati.

The parents of a 3-year-old girl were arrested Wednesday after a social worker found the girl wandering the street with a rope tied around her neck.

The social worker was driving down the 3600 block of Hillside Avenue and spotted the girl.

… Dog feces were found around the home, along with holes in the ceiling. The “extreme poor condition overall” of the home was noted in court records.

The girl’s father, Kermit Martin, 24, was charged with endangering children, a first-degree misdemeanor, and was being held at the Hamilton County Justice Center Wednesday night. The girl’s mother, Rose Seibert, 23, was also charged with endangering children.

Or this four-year-old in Texas.

Around 3pm a woman found the four year old boy walking barefoot down Old Galveston Road near Ahrens. The woman took him to a nearby fire station and firefighters noticed he had blisters on his feet.

The firefighters took the boy to the hospital where the boy’s mother showed up about three hours later.

Or this three-year-old closer to my back yard.

Fairfax County police said they responded to a report of a child wandering alone in the Burke area.

A 3-year-old girl was found in the 6500 block of Koziara Drive at about 7:50 a.m. Monday, police said. They found a home in the area with the front door open. Inside the home they found an 18-month-old boy in a crib. No one else was in the home.

And if he gets a “time out”, it’s usually in the same room with us, not handcuffed in a closet.

Law enforcement officers, medical personnel and the boy, now 6, testified about his treatment while in the care of Smith.

The boy reported being bound in a dark closet with handcuffs and denied food. He said his “Aunt Sharon” stomped his feet and forced him to hold arm weights above his head for long periods of time.

When he was rescued by Gore police, the child was malnourished and dehydrated, and his hair was falling out. He had black eyes, bruises all over his skeletal body, and he could barely walk because of sore and swollen feet.

His mother, Melanie Smith of Braggs, is serving a 16-year prison sentence for allowing the abuse. She was convicted of neglect and endangerment in November but was found not guilty of abuse.

The boy’s stepfather, Roy Smith, 22, is charged with felony counts of child abuse, neglect, and endangerment. Roy Smith’s preliminary hearing has been set for Oct. 3 in Muskogee County District Court.

In fact, we don’t come anywhere close to parents like the local man who shot and killed his 13 year old daughter, and light years away from these California parents who put their two-month-old in intensive care.

A couple charged with the sexual abuse and torture of their 2-month-old baby girl appeared in San Joaquin County Superior Court on Wednesday even as their child struggles to survive.

Diego Gallegos, 42, of Morgan Hill and Shaniah Phillips, 20, of Stockton are both charged with sex with a child under age 10, torture, child abuse and corporal injury to a child. They remain in the San Joaquin County Jail in lieu of bail set at $1 million each.

The baby girl was dropped off at a Stockton hospital Aug. 7 after being injured, and the parents were arrested days later in Pleasanton. The baby remains on life support and in critical condition at the Children’s Hospital and Research Center of Oakland.

Am I saying that these parents are the standard bearers of heterosexual parenting? Am I saying that all heterosexual parents are as bad as these? No, I merely point them out because according to some people we are as bad as these parents because we’re gay parents. Even if we never do any of the above.

They are inherently better suited for parenthood than we are, because even though they’ve abused their children at least they’re heterosexual. And if they stop abusing they’ll still be heterosexual, and thus better parents than we are. Because we are gay parents, and gay parenting is by nature abusive parenting.

Just like all the examples above.

Pardon me for pointing it out.

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2 Comments

  1. my partner and I are considering adopting in the very near future and have been scouring the internet to find information and feedback from other gay families; particularly 2-daddy families. I find this blog very interesting and well-written. I applaud those who understand and embrace that gay parents are as good a parent as heterosexual parents. I grew up with heterosexual parents and pray that I do a much better job. Take that for what it’s worth. Thanks for the blog.

  2. Pingback: Mombian » Blog Archive » A Litany on Britney; or, What Makes a Good Parent?

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