That I turned 19. I’m celebrating the anniversary of that birthday. Do the math and you’ll figure out that today I inch ever closer to aging out of yet another demographic. No special plans today, other than doing some writing, treating myself to lunch, and maybe getting to bed early and squeezing in a little extra sleep.
I did fire up the iPod on the way to work today and try to find something that spoke to where I find myself on this, my thirty-ninth, birthday.
I ended up going back to a song by a favorite band from my college days, the Indigo Girls. It was “Watershed” that I listened to first. The lyrics simultaneously summed up where I feel like I am right now.
Thought I knew my mind like the back of my hand,
The gold and the rainbow, but nothing panned out as I planned.
And they say only milk and honey’s gonna make your soul satisfied!
Well I better learn how to swim
Cause the crossing is chilly and wide.
Twisted guardrail on the highway, broken glass on the cement
A ghost of someone’s tragedy
How recklessly my time has been spent.
And they say that it’s never too late,
but you don’t get any younger!
Well I better learn how to starve the emptiness
And feed the hunger
And reminded me that where I’m going is up to me.
Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agony’s your heaviest load.
You’ll never fly as the crow flies, get used to a country mile.
When you’re learning to face the path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while.
As luck would have it, Amy and Emily were back on the next song to remind me of something I’ve always known anyway. One of the consistent truths in my life, tested over and over again, is this: If I want something, I either have to go out and find it or at least put myself in it’s path. Nothing sums that up for me better than “Hammer and Nail.”
Gotta get out of bed get a hammer and a nail
Learn how to use my hands, not just my head
I think myself into jail
Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand in a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth if you want a rose.
For some reason, I always come back to that song to get my momentum back.
Finally, I picked “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield, because some days I really need to believe “Today is where your book begins…”
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
By then, it was time to get on the train to work.