I don’t know if these two bloggers were on the same wavelength or what, but I did a doubletake when I saw was looked like high heels for babies over at I
A glance at the website reveals a link to an Entertainment Tonight article describing the crib shoes (wait, crib shoes? Why does a bedridden infant need shoes?) as “made from soft, flexible fabrics with a collapsible heel and are not intended for walking.”
The pair of women sexopreneurs who invented the infant fuckme pumps chap the Twisty hide in many ways. Forget about the obvious antifeminist implications of infant pornulation for a second; what’s with the repellent adult pastime of casting children in the role of joke-butts? Warning, says the website, these Heelarious shoes “May cause extreme smiling and hysterical laughter when in use (this is completely normal).”
Normal! Man, what is wrong with people? Why does everybody think it’s okay to openly jeer and laugh at kids? Do they think the tots just don’t notice that they are perennial objects of mockery? Last Halloween, at the neighborhood cul-de-sac trick-or-treat party (or what I like to call the Barton Creek Toddler Burlesque), my 4-year-old niece Rotel flat-out refused to wear her elaborately cute costume. It was obvious that she just didn’t want to make a spectacle of herself for the amusement of the drunk adults. Much consternation ensued. Rotel was seriously in violation of some primal code of childhood conduct when she dared to expect that she could collect candy without putting on Hilarious Kid Drag. She was robustly critiqued for having had the temerity to assert personal bodily sovereignty in the face of patriarchal tradition. I am happy to report that she prevailed in the end, but it was clear from the reaction of the neighbors that they considered her strange, and I don’t believe for a second that the kid won’t carry deep emotional scars for life. Probably she will turn to a life of crime.
I mean, first of all, don’t sentence your daughter to a life of corns and bunions. Take it from me, I’ve worn high heels. (Yes, I’ve done drag. Deal with it) They are not meant for the human foot. Even wearing them for a few hours did a number on my feet for a while.
Second, can we just let children be children, please? Sure, a little girl (or little boy, for that matter) might try on mommy’s (or daddy’s) pumps, and it’s cute. But putting these on a baby? There’s a point at which we need to start questioning people’s sanity. What’s next? Pimp and Ho costumes for Halloween?
As for the rest, see Habladora’s post for a larger discussion.