The Republic of T.

Black. Gay. Father. Vegetarian. Buddhist. Liberal.

Famous For Reproducing

Quelle suprise. Bristol Palin took the “fall down drunk, get up pregnant” route to parenthood.

Zero Tolerance for Clowns

Bristol Palin writes in her new book of losing her virginity to boyfriend Levi Johnston on a camping trip after getting drunk for the first time on too many wine coolers.

She awoke in her tent, alone, with no memories of what had happened as Johnston “talked with his friends on the other side of the canvas.” She had vowed to wait until marriage. And she had lied to her parents about where she was going.

Palin, a 20-year-old single mother and the daughter of former Alaska Republican Gov. Sarah Palin, tells a story of “deception and disappointment” in the book, “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far.”

The memoir, co-written with Nancy French, is scheduled for publication by William Morrow this week. The Associated Press purchased a copy Friday.

I just have a couple of things to say.

First, I’ll just repeat what I said around the time the whole Jon & Kate mess exploded. Why are poeple famous just for reproducing?

The entire time the Octomom saga played out in headlines and newscasts, I thought about continuing this series. Only, every time Id get started, thered be another revelation. At some point, I got tired of trying to keep up. I kept it in the back of my mind, though.

To tell the truth, Ive never watched Jon & Kate Plus 8, except for a few minutes when I stopped in the middle of channel surfing and caught a few minutes of it. I didnt know why, but something about the show creeped me out. I couldnt put my finger on it. But when the allegations about his affair, then her alleged affair, then her alleged violent rages, his alleged lack of ambition, her tummy tuck and nose job, his hair plugs, and the difference between the reality of their marriage and the facade presented on television, I found myself asking Why are these people famous? All they did was have babies, and have more at one time than most people.

These people are famous for reproducing?

That’s what it takes to become famous these days? I mean, why else would we have ever heard of Bristol Palin? Sure, her mom was plucked from obscurity and foisted upon the nation by John McCain (who should be working of that karma for several lifetimes, if you ask me), and has hung around like like a bad smell you can’t find the source of. But even granting that, we’d never have heard Bristol’s name if the Palin pregnancy rumors that started right after Palin’s nomination hadn’t led to the discovery of Bristol’s pregnancy.

Being the 16-year-old daughter of a vice presidential nominee might have made Bristol more well known than if the whole Palin clan had stayed in Wasila. However, being the pregnant 16-year-old daughter of a vice presidential candidate made her a star. Besides her mom’s reality show, she’s appeared in an episode of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” (about teen pregnancy, of course), and of course there was her surprisingly long stint on “Dancing With the Stars”, even as she consistently got the lowest scores from the judges, while more talented dancers were shown the door.

She was on the show because she’s Bristol Palin. She’s Bristol Palin because her mom is Sarah Palin, and because she reproduced.

To be fair here, Bristol’s not the only one who got famous as a result of fecundity. Like the song says, “It takes two.” And Levi Johnston has worked far more than 15 minutes of fame out of what we know know was probably 15 minutes (it can’t possibly have taken much longer than that) of drunken teenage fumbling that would have remained unknown to the world until fate intervened in the form of the McCain campaign.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind looking at Levi Johnston. But why is this guy famous?

Despite having no more apparent talent than Bristol, Levi’s resume now includes a commercial for pistachios, a photo spread and feature in GQ magazine, another in Vanity Fair, and of course a Playgirl spread. He’s even shopped around his own reality show, to be based on a run for Mayor of Wasila. (Nothing’s been heard about it since it was announced, though. I think it was quietly shelved by the production company.)

It’s ironic when you think about it, really. Levi Johnston’s johnson made his career when he used it to impregnate his teenage girlfriend. Anthony Weiner’s weaner destroyed his career when he tweeted a picture of it to a young woman he’d never met.

Now, of course, he’s got his own book coming out, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs.

Bristol Palin’s baby-daddy, Levi Johnston, wrote a book to be published this fall that will set the “record straight” about his relationship with the Palins.

“I want to tell the truth about my close relationship with the Palins, my sense of Sarah, and my perplexing fall from grace how I feel and what I’ve learned,” Johnston said in a statement. “I’m doing this for me, for my boy Tripp and for the country.”

Johnston, the former long-time boyfriend of former Republican Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol, has publically feuded with the Palins. Bristol recently moved to Arizona with their son.

Touchstone, an imprint of Simon and Schuster will publish “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs” in the fall, according to a press release from the publishers. They are billing it as a coming of age story.

A “coming of age story”? Coming of age? This is the other thing that bugs me about this. At the risk of sounding like an old fart (yes, I will eventually join that club, but not just yet) at 21 (him)and 20 (her) these two are still “coming of age.” Maybe it’s me, but putting out a memoir in your early twenties is like putting out “greatest hits” collection after one hit single. Even if you factor in the story of two American teenagers doing what millions of American teenagers do, who — having done it — were suddenly caught in the national spotlight, there’s still no “there” there if you ask me. A long magazine article would more than suffice, but as life stories go, it’s a bit thin for a book.

But fame monster requires constant feeding. So Bristol cashes in on having gotten pregnant, and Levi cashes in on having gotten Bristol pregnant. He’s too young to have a book deal (yet), but let’s hope Tripp at least gets a college fund out of it. Maybe he didn’t make his parents famous, but they got famous because they conceived him.

There’s no other reason we should ever have known their names, after all. Not because of an great talent. And certainly not because of any great achievements. They just happened to have functioning reproductive organs, and used them.

I think that pretty much sums it up.

2 Comments

  1. As I recall, my grandfather (a wise man if ever there was one) used to say, “all you need to be famous in this country is a big mouth and a lot of nerve.” And this gets truer by the day.

  2. It’s so annoying that nowadays, all it takes to be famous is to *f up and get public shame. Young people might get the idea that in order for them to succeed in life (or become Hollywood famous) all they have to do is create a scandal and be BAD.

%d bloggers like this: