The Republic of T.

Black. Gay. Father. Vegetarian. Buddhist. Liberal.

Finding My Way Again

It’s been so long since I published anything here that I’m not sure if anyone still reads this blog, after almost ten months of silence. During that time I’ve experienced major upheavals in my life that took me away from politics, writing, and this blog.

Now that I’m finding my way back to writing again, I wanted to share what’s been happening with anyone who might still be out there listening.

Since my last post on this blog, I’ve experienced several of the items on the list of most stressful life events.

In late summer of 2016, I was laid off from the job I’d held for almost ten years, where I spent much of that time writing about politics. It was the result of a merger between organizations, which made some workers redundant, myself included. I immediately began a job search, which turned up little more than a couple of interviews. I figured the election and the holiday season had delivered a one-two punch to the job search and vowed to renew my efforts in the new year.

Fate, however, had other plans.

The results of the election results left me reeling, and questioning further involvement in politics. It seemed like the worst thing that could happen.

It wasn’t.

On December 30, 2016, Rick — my beloved husband of 16 years — passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We were expecting him home for dinner, and instead, a police officer came to the door to tell us that he would never come home again. Rick was just 50 years old. We learned later that he had an undetected, undiagnosed heart condition, and that was what caused his death.

It has been a devastating blow to the boys and me. The last eight months have seen us struggle with grief, and trying to put our lives back together; fighting to get on our feet, only to get washed away in grief with every special day, anniversary, or reminder of our loss.

I have been unable to write much beyond journaling about our grieving process. I decided to take an extended break from my job search to be here for the boys. Fortunately, we have enough resources that I can do that comfortably.

When the boys go back to school, I will start looking for writing work again. In the meantime, as the urge to write returns to me, I may be posting here more often. Even if there’s no audience and nobody reads it, the act of writing his healing to me.

I know it’s also what Rick would want. He knew me so well and understood that I am left deeply unhappy and unfulfilled without writing. Rick was always supportive of my writing and believed in my abilities as a writer. I know he would want me to keep writing.

So, I am finding my way back to writing and back to this blog, slowly; one step at a time.

 

4 Comments

  1. Terrance, my heart breaks for you and your family.

    To whatever extent the writing and conversations resume here, I’m looking forward to it.

    Peace…

  2. Word can not express what you and your sons have been and are going through. May you find strength, solace, peace… what ever might help. Rick would like you to be well. Take care and look after the boys and yourself.

  3. I’m glad for this step and still so sorry Rick died.

  4. My condolences. That must have been devastating.

    My thoughts are with you.

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